With sun in her eyes

Gone.

2009-03-07T01:32:00.006+08:00

MOVED

I wish.

2009-03-03T17:20:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward time but again i never would because life is too short as it is.

Fact is it hurts, a little.

2009-02-28T23:47:00.001+08:00

With hopes, desires and feelings. Suddenly the person turned round and become a total bastard. What a turn off. Ewww.

Goodbye singapore!

2009-02-23T00:06:00.004+08:00

Felt really guilty for making dad drive me all the way down to AMK to collect my drugstore items despite him being really tired from his work, thanks a million dad! Collected my coastal scent items few days back. The eyeshadows are awesome, VERY pigmented. But the shipping is pretty steep. shipping for one set of brushes and the 88 color palette are around SGD18? But I LOVE IT. so yeap, thats what matter. Im happy, economic is happy thus everyone is happy. haha.

My coastal 88 color eyeshadow palette.
My drugstore spree

And in approximately 6.5 hrs time, we will be outta singapore=)) Im getting back my result tmr, but i will not be singapore. Maybe i have to pop by a lan shop or smth to check on my result. we shall see, i aint confident bout my result anyway so maybe i shant let the result reuin my holiday mood. shall check after the trip. hehe.

good night everyone.

Too perfect.

2009-02-21T23:00:00.003+08:00

It was awesome. Lying in bed, with the beloved. My head fitted perfectly on his shoulder. It was perfect, almost too perfect. Too good to be true.

Reality strikes when the clock rang. It was a dream, a dream that i never will want to wake up to. It was the second one this week. Morven drove ystd, we went for dinner at the vines. Then Labrador park, finally home. It was like trip down memory lane, every place and every thing reminded me of him. He was all over my mind, and it sucks.

Its not easy. Really, its not.

Links

2009-02-16T00:58:00.001+08:00

Hey those who want me to link you, tag the board or smth. cos i lost all the other links. Good night and sweet dreams=)

In the end.

2009-02-15T19:14:00.001+08:00

Pushing them down the escalator, stomping on the bouquet, bursting the balloon, "excuse me" between them were all i was thinking about while in town "soaking" the valentine's atmosphere ystd. Potential psycho killer. HAHAHA. Maybe?

~
All my life I've made excuses
Pushing you away, saying that you're not for me
All my life I've ran from you, babe
I tried everything
In the end it was you
In the end, in the end it was you

All I wanna do is have a good time
Let the beat go through me and just take me away
You've been trying to get with me for a while
And I've been telling you to save that for another day

So the more you're good to me
The more I try to get you to leave

~kat deluna, in the end

Cant wait.

2009-02-13T18:20:00.008+08:00

Am planning a trip with three of the girlfriends. Donte you love to just go on trip with your friends and have a great time and have tons of fun with no adults to ruin it?? ahaha what more it've been awhile since I last gone on a trip with close friends and I miss it terribly. Dad's cool with the idea. i decided that i needed to do something fun and exciting before getting serious with work( thats if i found one to begin with. ~~lazy~~recession. haha.)

I hope I can save up enough money for shopping, nonetheless i know the trip will be amazing esp with the lovelies=))

Laugh baby laugh.

2009-02-08T02:44:00.005+08:00

Cyanide and happiness freaking crack me up, big time. I hope they make you guys laugh too. ENJOY and LAUGH=))

M·A·C 'Hello Kitty®' Brush Collection

2009-02-06T16:47:00.007+08:00

Makeup bag
Brush holder

Lipglass
Lipstick
Eyeshadow
Powder blush

Ziwei will definitely love this M.A.C collection! I just ordered a 88 colors eyeshadow and a full set of makeup brushes from coastal scents=)) I wan to get a lipstick. NOT THE HELLO KITTY ONE. Too cute for my liking. Im thinking between estee lauder and M.A.C. M.A.C is cheaper, but the packaging sucks. We shall see.

My makeup corner is extending. HAHA. from a small little corner of the dressing table, to the whole dressing table and now, going into the toilet cabinet. HAHAHHA. crazy.

On the otherhand, my skin is definetly improving=)) Not too sure if its because of the change in cleanser, change in pimple cream or the change in foundation. either way, better skin equals happier moi=)

Shopping is cheaper than seeing a Psychiatrist.

2009-02-03T21:32:00.008+08:00

Victoria's Secret is having their winter clearance, so all of you vicky lovers out there. GO GET THEM! Sizes are running out which means , time to play faster finger first .

Sometimes it's just these simple joys that can bring a girl so much happiness=))

Defnitely maybe?

2009-01-19T11:47:00.011+08:00

Did movie with Zach last week. Ong Bak 2 HAHAHAHA. I know, action flick is so not me! Talk about compromising. Well the movie wasnt that bad afterall. Storyline was bad, but the fighting and the body.... GODLIKE( DOTA influenced)!

Chatted over a drink at the Singapore art museum. Afterwhich he sent me to the bus stop and home sweet home.

I dont know bout others. but i find guys with goals really charming. either that or guys who are patriotic. Love serving the nation and enjoy talking about NS instead of complaining about how stupid serving NS is. Come on, be a man.

~

My closet is looking like a complete train wreck now! but I tore it apart for a good cause haha. I went through all parts of my closet and gathered tons of tops, dresses, skirts, jeans, jackets etc.( some are even new with tag!) and gave all of it to the salvation army. I hope that they make someone's CNY and at the same time to make space for more clothes=)

I've always love Mac cosmetic. The blusher and the eye shadow are my MUST have. But i haven got the chance to try out their makeup brushes until few days ago. and guess what, I got hooked. INSTANTLY. Its like the best, i bought two and they cost a BOMB! But its reeeeaaallly good. They can supposedly last a long time too. I also bought a liquid eyeliner, a pencil eyeliner, a mascara, a mineral foundation and a concealer. And the total cost of the cosmetics is more than the cost of my "CNY clothes"! But the sad thing is that i did not check the color of the mascara before i leave the store, so instead of black. i got a brown=(( but well, its ok. a change is good. yes?

Hair? Checked.
Mobile Phone? Checked.
Clothes? Checked.
Cosmetics? Checked.

OH NOO! Wallet! Having a new wallet for CNY is crucial! i need to get a new wallet ASAP. im very "pantang"(particular) bout wallet. What more my current wallet is torn and i think tt sorta explain why i haven been able to save any money( HAHAHA. excuses, i know).

Happy almost chinese new year!!!

GOODNESS! and happy 2009!

2009-01-01T09:13:00.005+08:00

Stop losing item is so gonna be on the top of my new year resolution this year! i lost 2 wallets, 2 mobiles and DIGITAL CAMERA( the girls are so gonna kill me). or mayb instead of putting stop losing item, i should put like stop clubbing or sort. like wth. goodness, im still high from last night and i got like zero energy to even go and look for my camera( like under the bed, sofa or some corner in my house) right now so i think i will do so when i wake up later.

but seriously. where can my beloved camera be at?

More than disappointed.

2008-12-31T00:27:00.004+08:00

What do you do when you found that you've been kept from the truth for the past 19 years of your life?? Im too depress to express how i feel right now. but well, good thing is i know the truth. although i kind of guessed it alrdy, but i needed some confirmation. so well, i got it.

I love you dad. You are the greatest=)

Crazylicious.

2008-12-28T22:31:00.004+08:00

Multiple scratches and two bruises left from friday's party. it was insane. the drinking at han's party was crazy and by the time we left his place, we were far from sober. and it left me wonder how we managed stumble to zouk after that.

As usual, the drinking left me vomitting and a terrible hang over the next day.

~

Jonathan is going back to ireland today. and so he sort of like owed us a meal, thus he decided to bring us to "the tavern" for european food. nice fine dining environment i would say.mk, kaz, jon and me. we shared:

Appetizer
1.)Escargot ‘Madagasy’
cheesy escargot.
2.)Half A Lobster Salad
lobster was good.
3.)Parma Ham & Melon
cantelope and smoke ham. perfecto!
4.)Pan-fried Hokkaido Scallop
big, juicy and fresh. what more can we ask for?!
5.)Fresh Pan-fried Goose Liver
also known as the delicacy of dispair. i was really guilty while eating this thus i ate only a tiny portion. anyway if u haven know, the geese are force fed so as to make the birds' livers become diseased and swell to up to 10 times their normal size.( if u r interested. go youtube on Foie gras cruelty)
6.)Cheese raclette with Air-dried Beef
u have to eat the cheese together with the beef. and oh ya! this grilled cheese dish is one of the signature dish.

Main Course
1.)Australian Wagyu Beef
they actually cut and weigh the beef in front of you.( i think this pic is not wagyu beef. its rib-eye. idk. but it looks smth like this. but its thicker by maybe 3 times? )
2.)Alaskan King Crab Mornay
cheese dish again. LOL.
3.)Whole Maine Lobster
and again.

desert
1.)Movenpick’s Premium Ice Cream & Sherbert served with Wafer
2.)Pear Cardinal
Cooked Pear with Strawberry Ice-cream, Raspberry Sauce, Almond Slivers and Whipped Cream
3.)Fresh Mango Pancake(X3)( the guys really like this. LOL)
Mango Cubes in Cream wrapped in Pancake, Served with Mango Sherbet
4.)Crepes Suzette with Vanilla Ice-cream
the chef cooked this infront of us. (and i think kaz kinda pressured him with her camera because he became nervous and kept droping the stuff. LOL.)

and after much calculation, meal should be a little pass 500. crazy! more pictures when kaz send them to me=)

*p.s the photos were taken randomly from websites. but they are the tavern's food.

Merry christmas to y'all

2008-12-25T22:52:00.002+08:00

Woo its christmas! It was good last night. Dinner was not spectacular BUT the people was awesome=)) the fun and laughter were aMMazing. More specifically, I love my friends. Im never a fan of christmas because i hate crowded places, i get massive headaches when im in a crowd(clubs not included, hahaha). 2008 christmas eve is probably is the best Christmas Eve in a long time.

I(or rather we) had zero hrs of sleep on the eve. too much laughter and fun that sleeping is almost torturous. LOL. reached home at 8am and off to bed i went at 9am. woke up at only 9pm. great, 3/4 of the christmas was spent sleeping.

I can't wait to see what new year eve brings.
Merry Christmas to all~

Twilight

2008-12-18T20:34:00.004+08:00

Initially i thought that the movie is a tat too overrated and i wasn't really a fan of the series too, then diana managed to convince me to watch it and i realized that i actually loved the movie quite a bit. Modern-day romeo and juliet.

Nice. i like=)

Spot the mistake.

2008-12-15T23:01:00.010+08:00

好脚一点了吗?

hahahhahahahahhhahah.

~

being the artsy fartsy people, ziwei and i spent our afternoon at the singapore museum. appreciating the fine art and learning about the differences between modern and contemporary art. BULLSHIT. we were there because we had to!

Reconsidering about the splurging this month=[ whats with me and my plans man. arugh. annoyed and i donte deserve all the splurging! HMPF.

Dec closes yet another chapter.

2008-12-10T22:15:00.001+08:00

Maybe the christmas "present" comes a little too early for me this year than usual=) A laptop given by none other than my beloved dad and so was the portable hardisk=) So i guess it really is about the spirit of giving now huh?

Anyway, merry early christmass everyone, may your christmas be filled with many wonderful parties, presents and most importantly FRIENDS=)

Photobooth fun.

2008-12-08T15:30:00.007+08:00

The only thing i like about mac is the photobooth. Beside that, it sucks. i hate it.

And Lastly

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do you wan to be my bff??!!!

First time.

2008-12-04T22:25:00.001+08:00

“The miracle isn't that I finished,
the miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

Sunday, December 7 at 5:30am
Singapore Standard Chartered Marathon 2008

Get a life.

2008-11-30T02:09:00.006+08:00

Zach says:
i donte like fb as much as friendster.
-jesSAMine- says:
me too!
Zach says:
too many application and all. messed up fb. LOL
-jesSAMine- says:
i donte like fb too. but im using it.
i need to get a life
LOL
Zach says:
certainly.
-jesSAMine- says:
damn. so anyway do u know where to get a life? LOL
Zach says:
i got mine from heaven
you can get one from hell
=D
then we can co-use it on earth
-jesSAMine- says:
hahhaa. alrte. i will ask them to DHL over. LOL
Zach says:
aiyo
life comes in online version too
just email over
download
upload into your "life MP3"
-jesSAMine- says:
sometimes its not responding thou
so got to ctrl alt delete
hahahaa
Zach says:
well said! LOL.

My throat is painful. And i think im falling sick. YEAP AGAIN. And sleeping at 4am everyday isnt helping. In school now, and it sucks. Game developement module REALLLY is a killer. hate codings.

[EDITED]Hundred dollars of fun. Worth it.

2008-11-27T04:01:00.008+08:00

For the i dunno how many freaking freaking time, i lost my belonging in zouk. 120plus bucks and wallet. and the wallet contain my freaking freaking id. see? i told you guys,it just cant be tt smooth for me, never. so, donte ask me out now cos i got zero dollar. and its the second time tt i lost my id. so yeah, do the math.

But like seriously, how can i lose my id again and again. i cant get it. like what alvin says, maybe someone's trying to tell me not to club that often. maybe its the man up there. arugh. damn. they say once bitten twice shy, erh no. in this case, its thrice shy. damn. i guess im not gonna club tt often anymore. Special occasion only. aha.

i think im kind of immune to losing my belonging. Cause like the last time i lost my mobile, i carry on partying even after knowing that i lost my stuff. LOL. I was like woooo what an expensive night so c mon, lets make it all worthwhile shall we. AHA. yeah and we did.

good night dearest. on a happier not, i have been getting at least an A for class everyweek. kudos to me=] However that is only to cancel out the X that i too have been getting. HAHA. ok i really need to stop depressing myself. im happy and so yeah=]

And mk bro is rlllllly sweeeeeet. he gave me his crunchie bliss, and yeah. tts the one of the thing tt can cue my heartache now=]

I hate lying.

2008-11-26T16:53:00.002+08:00

I seriously detest lying. because one, my eyes often sell me out. And two, i hate how often one lie then branches out to many other=(

But tonight, i have to. i promised juvena to be there! Jy's sickness relapse thus she cant go and furthermore, i really want to parrty( and yes with a double r).

All was good initially, i calculated dad's work shift and yeah! he's on night shift. BUT 5 mins ago, my beloved dad decided to take leaves. GOODNESS. i knew it. i have a really bad feeling ever since i calculated that dad is on night shift because how can thing go so smoothly for me?! Almost never!

ARUGH.

Heres the thing, theres school tmr and i MUST go to school. But dad on the otherhand cant know that i've got school cos otherwise he wont allow me to go parrty tonight. SO im gonna tell him that theres no school tmr, and the reason why im out tmr morning is because theres "project" in school. And tadah. sounds great? But no. things cant be tt smooth. something will go wrong in the middle=( oh noooo, hate it.

i will keep my fingers crossed, extra tight, like super super tight.

Goodness gracious me.

2008-11-25T00:22:00.003+08:00

"No jess, no jess. u will regret it." I chose to ignore the voice within and went ahead with kaz. And boy, i knew it. The moment i reached home, i regreted=(

My hair sucks big time and i think i need extension.

[edit]
ok maybe my hair donte really suck tt big time, with a little styling here and there. hmmmm. idk:[ it still looks bad, not TTHHHATTT bad, but still.. bad:[

Out of bed.

2008-11-23T01:13:00.003+08:00

After a week of feeling pretty ~~crappy~~sick I am finally starting to feel better. And for some reason my cold left me with some strange sick feeling that has put me off my food all week! It also has meant I’ve not been able to do much, or eat much for that matter! All i managed to force down my throat were some yogurt drinks, some eggs and chicken pieces. But strangely, i haven lost any weight! But im determined to lose some ok! all i need is to wait for my school holiday to come, renew my gym membership and voila! But for now, i need to lay off the crappy food a while just in case the sickness decides to come back.( And contrary to what i said earlier, i just had kfc with my ex classmate and now my throat still hurts. But still thank god, im finally able to get out of bed without first seeing a million stars. so yeah.

Since im finally feeling better, i've decided to meet up with my friends for some shopping (i haven bought anything this week!). But it just seems like im destined to stay home or something, just after i took my bath, it started pouring!!! thus, plan cancelled=( oh wel. at least i met up with T for dinner at pb plaza. and since its foc. why not? AHA. buddy meal for the buddies! or at least, ex.

And before i forget, here are the photos for last week=) Let me present you, pasta carbonara! nahh actually its not pasta carbonara, its supposed to be mac and cheese but obviously we failed.. Because the end product tasted more like pasta carbonara than mac and cheese so pasta carbonara it shall be=)

the cooks at work.
boiling the pasta.
woolala.

Life is a bitch.

2008-11-17T03:38:00.002+08:00

=((

i feel like crying.

i hate what is happening now.

why did i allow it to happen?

i could have stop it.

or at least prevented it.

~

On the otherhand.

I've put on a ton of weight.

Thus need to start dieting=(

New skin.

2008-11-15T03:53:00.004+08:00

I redo my whole skin because ive got nothing to do! HAHA, i like it. I had a hard time finding nice icons. And after finishing the skin, i realised that my icons are mostly about partying. tsk. guess thats wad they call bad habit dies hard. boohoo.

I cried while watching grey's today=(( I cried when the old man performed cpr on the alrdy passed on old lady and also when izzy talked to denny at the end on the show.

And for prison break, bellick's death was pretty unexpected. But well, i had rather he die than sucre die. HAHA, i love sucre. I dunno, maybe because of his accent( mexican?) anyway, DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO KNOW THE SPOILER.

(highlight to see the spoiler)
don self betrayed the gang.

@#$%^&*

2008-11-13T10:33:00.003+08:00

Because jessamine donte take shit, so if u dare to talk shit about me, u say it in my face.

The story goes like this...
i was in the toilet and this girl in front of me was looking at the mirror and all. So i tot she was just waiting for her fren thus i just ignore her and go straight into the cubicle. And guess wad, when im inside the cubicle. She started acting bitchy with her fren.

Bitch 1: i've haven go into the cubicle yet and by right im behind you( talking to her fren whoes in the cubicle.
Bitch's fren: how come?
Bitch 1: i dunno. ghost.

When i came out of the cubicle, i asked. "so who was the one who said i cut queue?" hahahaha. no one dare to reply. pussy. coward. And im very sure that the pussy is still in the cubicle.

If she actually say it nicely or politely, i will actually apologized and all.

Knn.

Go figure.

2008-11-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

Whose house is of glasse, must not throw stones at another.
[1640 G. Herbert Outlandish Proverbs no. 196]

The story of an empty wallet.

2008-11-09T00:53:00.001+08:00

1.)Thursday was shopping and dinner with the girls in town. Finally we did smth "healthy" together. LOL.

2.)Morven pop by my school on friday and after my u.t, off we went shopping and sushi tei for my belated birthday feast. i heart sushi tei. i heart sashimi salad. i heart kaminabe( morven's favorite. HAHAHAHA)

3.)Saturday was spent shopping and steamboating with the boys. The boys were crazy over this vespa yet refused to take pic with this pink cutie. Sometimes, i really donte understand them. tsk. Im not a fan of pink, but can i say awww pls? Ziwei will like this vespa i think. LOL. its her kind of pink.
4.)Instead of going to the usual hang outs, we spent our lazy Sunday fooling around at Ikea@tampines. And i finally got to check out the food at ikea cafe. I've always been curious about the well reviewed swedish meat balls and well, im so glad we've made the trip! The food were insane, just look at the amount of food we ordered. Headed down to suntec for d.h's lab series cleanser then to the desert stall to satisfy morven's craving. No wonder im putting so much weight, look at how much i've been eating these days:[

I got tag!

2008-11-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

APPEARANCE
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[x] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying

Boys may come and go but your true friends stay forever.

2008-11-07T01:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when people get a new boyfriend / girlfriend and the two of them immediately become joined at the hips. They stop socialising with their friends. They stop calling. They stop caring. It's like their world is now so complete they don't need anything else.

Then when the other half is not in school. They come crawling to you, asking if its ok to hang out together during break, as if nothing has ever changed - as if they have never strayed away. either that, or when a favour is needed.

I do understand that a relationship takes up a lot of a person's time( im in r/s before too), and each of us only gets 24 hours a day. But if someone is so pre-occupied with their SO they can't make time for friendships anymore, then maybe they don't deserve this friendship in the first place. Its really saddening. I cant even smile genuinely when i saw her the other day.

On the other hand, i had a blast this week:] Fun, friends and laughter. Thats all that i need. And on a random note, my throat is extremely sore. all thanks to the 85% bitter chocolate. arugh. but no regrets because bitter chocolate is love:]

Random.

2008-11-06T03:58:00.000+08:00

Well i just felt like typing something.. kinda bored. hahah.

hmm let's see what i have to share on here. haha. Well obama won.. Like its my business? haha. whatever. School is alright.. not too bad.. and im barely putting in any effort=[ hahaha. so yeah, i've got to take it more serious now onwards and try to put in more efforts.

that's all for tonight, its pretty late and i am not keeping to my word of sleeping early.. i've messed up my nacturnal clock like a million yrs ago. It's never going to be normal i guess.. lol.. im tired. good night=]

Break it down now.

2008-11-01T16:09:00.004+08:00

Oh wow. I need to break it up.

1. I got mad wasted. Throwing up. Falling down. Dancing on the floor. This was wednesday

May I just tell everyone a life lesson? donte be a smart alex and mix champagne, lychee martini, cosmopolitan, sex on the beach, ak 47 and vodka redbull. arugh. and of all people, i should have known better.

2. Without recovering from wednesday, i miraculously managed to drag myself to school the next day. I was vomiting so badly that my fyp teammate asked me if i've just seen a ghost.

3. A nice (and new) experience to a toy museum. It actually has a pretty varied collection, including a large number of discontinued toys( which cost a bomb!).

Reflection:
Hung over = HORRIBLE.

Beautifully depressing. NOT

2008-10-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

1. Indifference, unhappiness and dissatisfaction in class.
2. Thus lack of motivation and lack of enthusiasm to go school.
3. And having Negative attitude and being angry doesnt help.
4. My beloved phone loves to die every 60 mins or so.
5. I half destroyed my laptop by dropping it while trying to hit someone with it.
6. Kicking the half dead laptop down the bed while sleeping is unforgivable.

Everything seems to be giving up on me. Soon, everyone will too.

2008-10-22T21:05:00.010+08:00

Fuck it!!!!

I can tolerate my slackitude no more.
Now what?

Happy Sexy 19th to me=)

2008-10-13T13:47:00.002+08:00

and i feel old. ok its pathetic. because im feeling old at 19 years old so whats going to happen when im 30? ewwwww. but anyway.

happy birthday to me=))

Everyone is busying over nothing.

2008-10-12T03:38:00.001+08:00

As I was strolling down town with a friend ystd, a sudden thought struck me. Essentially, its not about how busy a person is but what is the person busy at. I started asking myself. Am I doing what fulfills me? After all, doing nothing is better than busy doing nothing.

And as of late, I started pondering about my future. My education. My dad and grandma really hope that i will continue studying after my poly graduation. But somehow im considering stopping my education after my grad. I donte know. Maybe part of me thinks that one of life's greatest pleasures is not doing what people wants u to do since its usually easier to fight one's principles than to live up to them. However the prospect of leaving school life and embarking on the bandwagon just like another other diploma graduate who are also in pursuit of a career is undoubtedly daunting. Or maybe i should really just continue studying like what my dad and grandma want me too. GOODNESS, screw the many bad decisions that i've have made before.

I feel incredibly lost sometimes.

I love you my friends.

2008-10-07T06:29:00.003+08:00

A friend once told me that spending less time online is indicative that one's life offline is getting better. Indeed there is truth to it. I've been blogging alot( if you've notice) which also mean im spending alot of time online. And my life is in a mess. I dont even feel like getting out of my room. I miss my friends. I miss estee. I miss morven. I miss jy. I miss stephy. I miss wendy. I miss diana. I miss damien. I miss anna. The time i spent with them were mostly filled with loads of hustle and bustle, tears and sweat, laughter and jokes, alcohol and intoxication. The time spend with them really makes the whole world a better place. They are those i will always hold close to my heart.

So back to me. Because staying in the room and wallowing in self-sympathy does not help one's emo-ess. The past two days have been pretty distressing and lonely for me. Im not sure why. Maybe I haven't given a thought about it. I guess I am just disappointed with the way I am now. The way im letting the people around me down, both in school and at home. I donte exactly attend school on a regular basis and when im not out with my friends, i will be at home watching series (One Tree Hill/Grey's/Prison Break/Ugly Betty/Gossip Girl/Heroes) in the room. Not constructive at all and on top of that, i dont even work part time.

Diana told me that i deserve to feel miserable because im the one who decides to wallow in self pity on my pathetic arse. And yeah, so true. No more self pity and no more emo-ness for Jessamine!

Happy 23th bdae Rayner! Will be celebrating his bdae tonight=) So yeah, i wont be emo tonight. One emo night down, many more to go.

2008-10-06T21:53:00.005+08:00

This song struck me, reminds me of someone somewhere. It had really something within it. It makes me cry all the time, every time i hear it even thou its been a LONG time but i still cant get over him. Hopefully this song comes true and it all gets better in time, we have to move forward for life goes on.. I don't think time can heal my broken heart, but one day i know i will get use to the pain and will learn how to deal with it..

Hopefully i can learn to love again.

~
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

How we got here?

2008-10-05T22:23:00.003+08:00

Growing up isnt bout making the right decision,

its bout dealing with the decision you've made and picking urself up

-Ugly Betty

Over the course of my almost 19 years lifetime, i've met a lot of people. Some of them stuck with me through thick and thin. Some just weaved their way through my life and then disappear forever. Its definitely not a good feeling to watch them change right in front of you and the worst part is recalling how we used to be just few yrs ago. And maybe one day, we will look into the mirror and wonder who we are and how we got here.

Some say that loneliness is the scariest thing on earth. but to that i beg to differ. Because seriously, whats worse than being forgotten by someone you once held close to you?

Our time

2008-10-03T00:14:00.000+08:00

And I'm leavin behind
The you in my mind
Though I know it's new
It's something I'll try
And I'll always remember
The way that we cared for

2008-09-28T23:07:00.004+08:00

2days1night of tanning, shopping, eating and chilling out! i sure did eagerly anticipate for the day to come! Thanks once again to Wendy darling for the treat=) and c.j for the arrangement and booking.

We arrived at Harris resort ard 12.30pm(indo time). was welcomed with cookies and drinks. and they had this dance thingy too. funny weird ass looking dance accompanied with their weird ass sounding theme song.( yes harris had got their own theme song! power isnt it?) so anyway, we hung around the gigantic pool, make out on the comfortable sunbed (not me with cj. neither was it wendy and cj. its wendy and i. AHAH.) and walking all over the resort because the ~~book~~check in time was 2pm. Finally we got our keys and the three of us happily hopped to our lovely suite. It was a Japanese themed suite that had wooden flooring, king sized bed (for the 3 of us!) with a TV in front, and an outdoor jacuzzi rock tub with wooden stools and coconut ladle! the japanese suite is the best, even has a DVD player( without dvds. LOL) in the room. Oh and the suite has one bedroom and one living room. How cool is that!?

got on to the private cab and off to nagoya town for some shopping. seafood at habour bay. finally back to suite at around i think 10 plus 11? watch tv, chat and laugh. and then decided to start filling the hot tub. but the heater wasnt heating up the water fast enough, so cj and i have to keep boiling water. and also had to transfer the hot water from the bathroom to the tub. and tt was then wendy heard smth. ok so anyway. the three of us entered the tub and started playing ard. was rlly fun. we finished using the tub at ard lets say 3am which also mean our skin and fingers were VERY wrinkled. HAHA. wendy and i kept on bullying cj, making him take this take tt for us. poor guy. he was complaining that the two of us cannot be together because we were too noisy. tsk. oh yeah and the three of us bath together, with clothes( or rather towel) on. so funny to see each other with a pile of foam on the head. how often can u see this scene? LOL. watched dead silence, i covered my eyes a couple of times. theres an advantage of sleeping in the middle. cos on my left is wendy and on the rght is cj. so from time to time i peep at them to see if they fall aslp alrdy and i can see how they look like when they slp. LOL. sound kinda phscyoic heh? and they definitely donte look good when sleeping. HAHA no la. just kidding. i didnt rlly notice how they all look like. scared they will open the eyes suddenly. eeyeerrr. i think wendy fall aslp 30 mins after the start of the movie. cj actually falling and waking up a few times. good night jess, good night cj. and he fell into deep slp. i reached out for the controller and on the tv again. HAHAHA. i cant get to slp! finally fell aslp after an hr.

next day. tanning with wendy darling early in the morning while the lazy cj continued slping. and by the time we got back the room, woke the lazy bum up and wash up. the breakfast hr was over!!! and im so sad. i didnt have my daily dose of eggs=((((( but anyway, we headed to batam center via the private cab again. had late lunch over at a&w. continued the shopping. the time crisis machine there cost only 30 cents per play so cj and i played to our hearts content! we changed like 5 sing dollars and played until our arms ache=( then it was movie! hellboy 2. 4 sing dollars only. cheap. and the seats were those big and comfy type. sound quality wise, singapore is better. but come on! its only 4 bucks lo. boarded our ferry ar 6.30pm and back to the little red dot.

dinner at my favourite sushi tei. and then headed home.really enjoyed the trip. as cliche as it sound. tired but happy=) more to come ok wendy!!!

Distracted.

2008-09-28T05:13:00.001+08:00

i was checking Facebook and doing every other thing online except researching on CRM( customer relationship management). HAHA. i know i’m supposed to be studying for the CRM test right now but i insisted on putting off studying until i have my fair share of "relaxation".

as a matter of fact, i've alrdy finish studying the transition to relationship marketing, concept of customer as a lifelong investment, compare and contrast between transactional and relationship marketing, last but not least, the customer management framework. however, thats only like 1/4 of what im supposed to study. Ok, I’m going to study now, I really am! BUT im tired. so i guess i will continue the study tmr.

and no wonder they say procrastination kills!

So not cool.

2008-09-25T13:41:00.003+08:00

its not cool to have ur ex( love him no more)
1.) matchmaking u with his buddy.
2.) telling u that he love his gf.
3.) saying tt u r cute.

NOT COOL!!!!!!

Look at the photos carefully.

2008-09-23T00:18:00.005+08:00

Orbs are believed to be spirit in the form of balls of light. They are life forms that travel in groups and are believed to be the spirit of those that once inhabited a physical body here on earth. BUT orbs can also be produced by accident, and can appear quite readily on film by the elements and conditions around you. Most orb photographs are merely the result of dust or even weather conditions such as rain and humidity. Moisture, dust and airborne particles up close to the lens at the time of the flash can and will effect the results of your pictures. of cos i would rather believe the latter but wendy know it best.

From my camera.( look carefully at the curtain there)From wendy's.(need i say more?)

the story goes like this:
Me and chenjie(c.j) were rather occupied at the balcony (filling the jacuzzi with water la! what u guys thinking!) while our beloved 大小姐 was watching tv in the room when she decided to go get her cosmetic bag. and then she heard it. " sigh ". yes she heard someone( or rather "it") sighing. twice! not the tv, not from the outside. and the scary part was both our camera caught the orbs, me and c.j were talking about tt kind of supernatural stuff the whole night( no wonder wendy was so quiet when we were joking bout it) and watching horror movie at 3am!!!

spirit or dust. up to u to believe. nonetheless its still creepy. thank god we remembered to knock before entering the room on the first day, cant imagine what could have happen if we didnt and oh yeah we even said bye when we check out on the last day. gosh.

p.s me and c.j did all those forbidden stuffs without knowing what wendy discovered. she only told us the next day after we reach singapore. she knew we would peed in the pants if she tell us on the spot.

p.s will blog bout the trip soon=) im trying to build up ur anticipation( no la, im too lazy). but if u r too kaypoh bout the trip, u can click on wendy's link on the right navigation.

Forgetting to forget.

2008-09-18T01:03:00.006+08:00

been there.. and done that. after so many failed attempts( to be exact, its seven months of failed attempts), i still find myself wallowing, dwelling on the memories of the very person. forgetting someone is really not that easy to do. u might have fun with your friends or made new friends or even start dating other ppl but at the end of the day you’ll be alone again in your room. those happy moments will be voided in your mind and the painful memories come back again. and the fact is that it already happened. The damage is done, hurt and heartbroken.

my stomach is not feeling exactly very well. vomitting and watery stool. not a good sign. cant remember what i ate today. probably the yong tau fu? but whatever it is. im looking forward to batam this weekend with wendy and chen jie=)) the resort is FREE OF CHARGE. courtesy from wendy, she paid for it( thanks wendy!). japanese suite with a personal jacuzzi leh, donte play play. and not to forget that the "stuff" is damn cheap over there.

anyway, some random photos.
joab looking horrible with anna's hat, damien's sunglasses and jessamine's muffin.

rayner peeled this prawn for me using only fork and spoon!

sashimi!!!!!

Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.

2008-09-16T15:01:00.001+08:00

Denise: I wanted to thank you for standing up for my boy the way you did in that last game. It’s a shame that we have to meet like this.
Lucas: Yes, ma’am, it is.
Denise: Coach Taylor, Quentin always had so many nice things to say about you. And you too, Nathan. I really appreciate you boys coming here. But I mostly wanted to say thank you to this one. My son has always loved basketball but the day I can tell you, the day I came home and found him reading a book, it about gave me a heart attack. He said, Mommy, Mrs. James-Scott, she don’t play. SHe almost as bad as you are. I realize that you are all trying to help him live up to the greatness God gave him and you should be proud of that.
Haley: You’re strength is inspiring.
Denise: My strength is from Jesus Christ. I am going to miss my baby boy for the rest of this life but I know we are going to see him again and our faith will see us through.

The episode was sad. What other way can I put it? I cried for almost this entire episode of one tree hill. I’ve enjoyed watching Quentin evolve from a rascal into a great friend, great player. I will miss his banter with Jamie, his friendship and support of Nathan, his final respect to Haley as teacher and mentor as well as his relationship with Luke and Skills. I think they did a great job with this episode. Denise’s (Quentin's mom) speech to Nathan, Haley, Lucas and Skills was amazing. Kudos to the writers and Denise’s character for boldly talking about Christ and their faith instead of beating around the bush.

A very beautiful episode.

Time passes so quickly before you realize it.

2008-09-14T01:11:00.003+08:00

Maybe its because as we grow older, we are much busier, with so many responsibilities, which make time seem to fly. and when time passes too fast, you lost track of time and got left behind. when you are left behind, you recall. recall the past mistakes... wallow in your thoughts and regret. ended up never advancing at all. and thats where I am now. lost in time. not knowing where to go.

some happy events over the past weeks. dinner with vincent. fabulousity. love the alaska cold ~~crap~~crab. love the salmon. love the prawns. and most importantly, love that its all paid for. ya la, im cheapo but what to do. im just a poor student who refuses to find a part time job. LOL. also meeting up with the primary schoolmates for pool and mind's cafe. chatting over coffee wit alexandra who finally "found" me because she lost her phone and nobody has my number. LOL. thats the downside about playing mystery. and not forgetting shopping, pool, dinner with rayner. pool was good, learn things that morven never taught me. what morven always did was to laugh at me.( and ok not forgetting the occasional treats i got from him eg. cab fare, drinks. HAHA) im supposed to meet up with damien and company today. but smth crop up and i got to give it a miss=(

ohh and did i mention that this is my hmmmm 3rd/4th week of not clubbing? which i guess spells ~~nay~~yay?

P.S im still not over you.

2008-09-11T10:52:00.002+08:00

[Verse 1]
What's up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin' bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put 'em in a letter
But it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you

[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you you

[Verse 2]
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain since you been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin' right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin' on the t.v.
Boy it ain't easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you you

[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you yea

Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no...
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget

[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin' to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Oohh...
Still not over you
And how I have tried to for get you

[Chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get know better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope you to hear from soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you

Donte let it snowball.

2008-09-09T09:25:00.003+08:00

Sure, it’s rather useless to indulge in this non-productive whim. But I’m having this very vulnerable moment recently, in a series that are shaking ones. So, bear with me for the time being.

There are always things that you want to say, but can’t (unless you don't have any kind of filter). They’re not polite, nice, or fit for the public and sometimes very hurting too. In order to keep quiet and not to hurt people, you bite your tongue, hold your breath, and count to five hundred. Occasionally, you dig your nails into your hand.

But, sometimes, you just need to let them out. And well I’m going to. I've done this before, and it's rather amusing. its funny how complaining does to u. how they help to release the stress that is building up in you. I’m writing a list of things that I’d like to say, but haven’t. I won’t say who they are about, or to. Sometimes, it’s just about release. BUT OF COS, im not going to write them here. so off to my secret blog (the unreleased ones).

ciaoz~

Not ready.

2008-09-05T04:54:00.002+08:00

B204-4-E65K-A Customer Relationship Management
C211-1-E63C-A Multimedia Authoring and Production
C312-2-W67K-A Web Games Development
C314-3-E64A-A 3D Graphics and Animation

interesting. but the sad thing is that im not at all prepared for school. ok in a way, im never prepared for school. i love the lesson but i hate the school. not that i hate republic poly. i love republic in every single way. but i hate the fact that i have to wake up at 6.30am when im not even slping at 5am. not that i donte wan to, but i cant. u will understand if u suffer insomnia like i did. aiyo just off the light and sleep la, u might say. yeah so much more easier to say than done. and i donte wish to waste my time explaining to dumb people who just donte seem to get it.

well, im going school on monday. guarantee plus chop. not turning up first 2 days of school, classic jessamine=)

on the other hand, im so happy. becaue one tree hill season 6 is out. yeah out! and i cant wait for episode 2! brooke met with something nasty. gosh. i love brooke. brooke and lucas shld be together. arugh. i donte rlly like peyton and i think she should be with jake. i love nathan, haley and of cos their baby boy jaime! nathan's mom having an affair with skills, VERY SCANDALOUS. i think one tree hill wins gossip girl hands down. not that i donte like gossip girl, but i think the whole upper east side thing is too drama. i can relate more to one tree hill. althou i cant really imagine falling in love with my best friend. in which is highly not possible because according to wendy, my taste for guys are a tad weird. rlly? LOL.

off to my prison break season 4 episode 2=)

very disturbing.

2008-09-04T04:41:00.001+08:00

i was doing my research on the upcoming fyp. and an hr later i was tearing. the videos were very disturbing and sad. Please please please people, do speak up and get help. donte suffer in silence. i rlly wish i can do something for these people, i wish that i can make a difference and i wish that i can set them free=(

please, stop the domestic violence.

and also, im getting this psychic signal. the signal is telling me that its rlly highly possible that i wont be able to wake up for school tmr or rather later (according to ahzhigi), because its 4.39am now. skipping school on the first day?

i've decided..

2008-09-01T07:27:00.003+08:00

1.) to start training for the standard charted half marathon.
2.) to go on a diet!(HAHAHAHHAA).
3.) to club lesser because school is starting.
4.) to go school AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.
5.) to start saving for the batam trip.

LASTLY.. I'VE DECIDED TO REMOVE THE EXTENSION. I MISS SCRUBBING MY SCALP WHEN WASHING HAIR! YAY! i've removed half from my head alrdy. half more to go. reason for removing is because the extension makes it hard to tie up the hair and if i cant tie up the hair, i cant run because the hair will fly all over thus sticking all over the face and neck. ok so when i i cant run, i cant train, i cant train, i grow even fatter, got it? HAHA. and i donte wan to grow even fatter=)

so mayb if i feel like having long hair again i might have it extended again but then it will be pretty stupid to extend, remove and extend again. a little waste of money too. HAHHA and yeah, the waste of money come from jessamine and tt mean really is a waste of money. alrte. im going to remove half of the left over hair extension on my head.

The endless party.

2008-08-29T15:33:00.005+08:00

Joan's bdae
the whole group and half of yujie.
the clubbing clique.
bdae girl wad to finish one FULL glass of champagne.
HELP!~
lovelies.
candid!
i tell him my love story everytime im drunk. 5 times/dunk session. LOL.
beheaded.
present to u, the party girls.( quiting, quiting)
lastly, flying kisses for you ppl!

The first cut is the deepest

2008-08-29T02:22:00.003+08:00

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worst...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
If you want I'll try to love again, (try)
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know...

OOHHH,
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
But when it comes to lovin' me, he's worst...

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cuz if you want I'll try to love again
(Try to love again, try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know, OOHHH....

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
When it comes to bein' lucky, he's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, he's worst

OOHHH, the first cut is the deepest
Baby I know (baby I know)
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again...

Dependently independent

2008-08-24T17:25:00.003+08:00

I think the chemistry between the guy and whatnot is first envisioning whether the relationship, let alone the date, is going to work. If it isn't, then I'd suggest waiting for the one you are positive about and someone whom you can envision being yourself around. just donte be completely blided by other experiences that you've had with previous relationship. If for whatever reason you can't be yourself or can't make it fun, then it's probably not meant to go any further and whats the point then? but donte just accept any tom dick harry because they are there persuing. Really envision the possibility of being arund this person. After that, things should go smoothly between the both. The rest just might come naturally.

i donte know. but mayb the above only applies to the independent ones. because to me, being independent means that you do not have to rely others to get what you want. for example you dont necessarily need a boyfriend in your life. You dont need someone to comfort you, even if it'd be nice. independent is all about staying true to one's self. it means that you don't have to follow the crowd or care what others think or say about you. you have your own path, and you stick to it. sure others may join you, but you can stand tall and proud on your own and you know how to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. it doesn't mean that you can't ask or need help, because no one can have all the answers and ability to be perfect. its just that you prefer not to have help. i'm weird, and i'm dependently independent. i like to do things my way, i try to take care of myself on my own, i hate asking for help, and i'm pretty stubborn, but at the end of the day i really need my homies(esp jy and stephy) and of cos god, who im very dependent on. lastly being independent is being able to be on your own and happy. I guess:]

on the other hand, the "clubbing thrice a week" lifestyle is taking toll on my health=( and on the lighter note im starting my job training real soon. both good and bad.

p.s hahaha im still lazy to upload to photos to my computer. patience is a virture ok? hahaa=)

Realized

2008-08-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

Wow. Things have changed since 2 days ago. no, not totally a change. more like realization of a mismatch in personality, character and thinking. mayb not mismatch, more like a total clash. and no, its not good. and i realized that i've wasted his time. but i would really love to remain friends. but i doubt its going to happen.

Ah today was so meaningful. I went to lunch with my fav auntie(rachel!) and then we were shopping and was talking about relationship and u know, just share whatever we have. life, love, family and friends. Lunch at sushi tei was good too, sashimi salad. my ultimate favourite.

What else.. am going to party alot this week. wed, fri and sat. crazy and im very excited about it. Hmm and i need to get a hat for the party for sat. Like how fun would that be! Cute dress with hat. So cute.but the downside is that, party is at MOS one of my least favourite club in singapore( apart from dxo). But i suppose it will be good too because of the company there? yeah probably.

one tequila two tequila three tequila drop!

2008-08-16T08:37:00.003+08:00

Clubbed ystd. fun. had many tequila pop, bourbon coke and beer. very high. and i remembered someone asked if he could take pic with me. HAHA.. and i felt like a celebrity for a short one min. phuture was surprisingly empty last night. despite that i managed to bump into a couple of friends over there.

i think this week is totally wasted because i over partied. spent most of the time recovering from hang over.

p.s i saw jj lin making out with a girl in phuture!!!!!

the one min celeb moment.
they donte call me "beer girl" in class for nth. LOL. inside joke.
hiiiiggghhh
bloodshot eyes.
the infamous pout.
one of the favorite. i wish stephy was there too!!!!

ladies night spells free entrance and free flow of alcohol!

2008-08-15T16:07:00.003+08:00

wed was fun. we were doing the club hopping thing. started out with zouk, arena, mos and then back to zouk. i also realised that my kick usually comes slower than the rest. so lucky for me when they recovered, im just getting my kick. and i spend the whole thurs recovering from the awful hang over.

more update when i come back from zouk tonight.

the part girls.
the only nice thing bout mos is the toilet. wonderful place for phototaking!
my beloved!
the teacher who club.
Smoov-ing
with stephy dear! and apparently the two of us were the only ones dancing!

the only fire that appeal.

2008-08-09T00:32:00.002+08:00

i can be the spokesperson for aston alrdy. had aston three days in a row. but im not complaining, its cheap and good so yeah why not? i love their chargrill chicken, yummy yummy yum yum. Jy had alrdy planned out our clubbing schedule. LOL. so hardworking but if only she can use it on her school work. HAHAHAHA.

i was reminiscing about the primary school days. the hopscotch days, the block catching days, the swimming/blading days at Annabelle's hse, the days when we had our own table(the cool people table) in the canteen and also the days when i misused the authority of the prefect( yeah im a prefect! AHHAH. and a road crossing monitor!). WOW 10 yrs have passed. and thats cool. few more yrs down the road we will be meeting in those parent teacher meeting alrdy. LOL.. kidding!

happy bdae Singapore! and vincent! and the whole nation is celebrating with u.
im really in the mood for some fireworks=)

strictly PERSONAL.

2008-08-06T22:10:00.006+08:00

me love. says: hows love ?
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
HAHAHA must that be our conversation opening line anot?!?!?
me love. says: well, im concern! in another word kaypo la!
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
nth much. just going with the flow.
me love. says: no water how to go with the flow.
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
are u trying to be funny with me? cause i aint quite in the mood to play along u know?
me love. says: opps wrong timing
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
yeah sure it is.
me love. says: so wana talk about it?
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
no?
me love. says: damn, thats just so jessamine.
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
AHHAHAHAHA im kidding la bodoh!
me love. says: so no problem?
-jesSAMine the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. says:
just going with the flow like i've said cos theres only this much i can do and yeah.
me love. says: oh man! i cant belive this come from you cos it sound a little emo nemo and hmm well.. just to let u know that im here to lend a shoulder to cry on, lean on and a pair of ear to listen to ur woes. JUST DONTE TRY TO REENACT THE TYSON SCENARIO. hahahaa

i rlly donte like to discuss/share my personal life with people that i aint too close with. i really donte feel comfortable with that. and im not sorry about that cos its just PERSONAL.

alrte. heres the photos we took over the last 2 meet up=)
more to come babes!

YUMYUM
mind's cafe.
whats so funny?
the irish song i think.
can u beatbox and dance at the same time for a min?
the "little nicky" dance. LOL
look how happy they are!
the netballer vs the shot put player. LOL.
LOVE!
jy supposed to be studying!
liling! after 2.5 yrs.
another love.
so many loves.
both loves=)

im quiting clubbing. NOT

2008-08-04T00:34:00.005+08:00

ok im a bad bad girl. i clubbed twice this week=X
but it was good. way good. so yeah no regrets.

had surprise dinner with stephy and company.
oh gosh, no more exchanging of i-cant-wait-to-be-back-greetings bla bla bla cos now that she's back! jy and i can see her anytime we want=)
mind's cafe was good! had an awesome time there even thou we only played for 1.5 hrs but yeah.
1.)i had to act out some ridiculous thing like" an astronaut who had a stomach pain after eating sushi" and "an archaeologist who made a discovery in her backyard where she grow her vegetable".
2.)stephy had to invent her own mascot and make it dance after every of her turn.
3.)tim was made to beatbox and dance AT THE SAME TIME FOR A MIN.
4.)all of us were made to say "a toast to the *i forgot what*" everytime we drink. LOL.
5.)rachel was made to wrap herself like a mummy until one of the player throw a four.
but again. for the game to be fun, u need to have sporting company. like us!

on the other hand, im so broke. DAMN broke. fucking broke.
how? no, i donte wan to work. so yeah. too bad. who doesnt kill you makes u stronger.

HAHAHHAA... oh wel. goodnight peeps.
(im feeling pretty happy right now and god knows why. )

Cursed

2008-07-27T16:10:00.001+08:00

Maybe its the feeling that is freaking me out. maybe its the past that freaks me out. or maybe its just me...

i donte know. because coincidently every time i have this feeling, the person leaves. almost like a warning, telling me to beware, to put my guards up. a warning saying " jess, you're gonna get hurt. AGAIN " .

the angel in me has been telling me to start believing in seeing rainbow after the rain. because after going through all the tough time, she believes that something good is finally going to happen . however the devil begs to differ. the devil has been telling me, you've been thru it before and you know how hard it is to recover from the heartaches.

=(

Fight or flight?

2008-07-26T01:48:00.001+08:00

the human heart was made to be put through the abuse of the dating world

Well, i can easily choose to blame all the circumstances on fate or bad luck or even bad choices.
Or i can just fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world. That's just the way it is. There were many who couldn't understand, and sometimes i walked among them. But even in my darkest hours, i knew in my heart, that someday it would all be ok. And everything would be whole again. And my belief in love would be reawakened in my heart, once again.

But for the most part, you get what you give. Rest of my life is being shaped right now. With the dreams i chase.... The choices i make.... and the person i decide to be.

The rest of my life is a long time. And the rest of my life starts right now.

The dark knight

2008-07-23T17:22:00.004+08:00

This is my second time writing this blog because my laptop does not like me and restarted while i was writing my informal movie review on The dark knight. so anyway this post was supposed to be up on fri, but i was too lazy. HAHA

Back tracking to the movie, The dark knight. i was actually not very keen on watching the movie because frankly speaking i find clown really disturbing. and err im kind of afraid of clown since young. but well, the dark knight is definitely the movie to see this year. It is one of the movie that makes me want to stay put in my seat, wishing to see the full credits.. or rather, i wan to be the last person to get off the cinema. After the 2½ hour movie ended, the only thing running through my mind is: WOW, what an amazing movie. And that takes a lot because im very picky about my movies. The movie was visually impressive, the atmosphere and the effects were outstanding, but overall what made it so good was simple.

The Joker.

Heath Ledger was Phenomenal!!!! His performance was beyond amazing. Not only did he play him with an insanity that is almost incomparable. His character had an dark charisma that drew you to him even as his abhorrish behavior repulsed you. Heath Ledger was simply the star. He was so good that I could have easily watched an entire movie focusing on him but that of cos would lead me into having nightmare because it was just too disturbing. And for your information, H.L actually locked himself in a hotel room for a month to force himself into the realm of a psychopath just to get himself prepare for the role of the joker. Ledger also told reporters he "slept an average of two hours a night" while playing "a psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy ..."I couldn't stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going. And prescription drugs didn't help", he said. Jack Nicholson( the guy who previously acted the joker) even warned Heath Ledger on 'Joker' role and Heath Ledger thought landing the demanding role of the Joker was a dream come true but now some think it was a nightmare that led to his tragic sleeping pills overdose death.

i think that Heath Ledger deserves the honorary Oscar everyone has been talking about. He is more than just an actor, but a pure artist, a man who was willing to step out of his own being and become a character for the world's entertainment...and if that isnt commitment...I donte know what is...

Favorite scene: The joker in the nurse dress.

ps: edison chen was in the movie for a pathetic lets say 5 secs? HAHA.. wad a waste on the pretty face. mayb he can be the next joker? wad a joke.

a pocketful of emptiness

2008-07-22T23:52:00.002+08:00

7 long days of sports camp=(

2008-07-19T08:15:00.004+08:00

phwww.

this week was a busy one. fyp presentation is finally over(YAY), the critics by the evaluators were really nonsense and mean. almost thought that they were possessed by simon cowell. however the end of fyp1 also mark the start of fyp2. but at least i get to rest and enjoy for another 3 weeks or so before we get down to business.

Thurs was movie with alvin. the dark knight. i would rate it.. hmmm.. mayb 4 stars out of five and the funny thing is that im not quite a fan of this movie genre so bottom line is..
go watch it. had subway, my favorite=)

Met up with wendy, vincent and yeing on fri. it was tons of fun but the journey from woodland interchange to habourfront interchange wasnt the least funny. Apparently it took around 1.5 hrs but well, it was worth it thou. nothing beats meeting up with old friends, close friend and of cos FREE DINNER right?!. Dinner was on vincent, sushi tei.
salmon salad is THE BOMB!

I've been receiving lots of chocolate recently. and i guess that explain my mood these days=)
chocolate not only does it protect your heart. there are so many benefits of dark chocolate. first, it tasted good. Second, it stimulate the endorphin thus making u feel in love and lastly it contain serotonin which acted as an anti-depressant! haha sometimes girls just got to find ways to make eating chocolate less sinful. LOL. but i love dark chocolate nonetheless!

I made it through this busy week without a scratch=) feeling kind of sick this whole week thou. terrible headache. arugh.

Also for some reason, i decided to push my tolerance level to a higher phase by going out everyday after school and staying up till wee hours while others are probably at home catching up on their beauty sleep( with courtesy from the end of fyp1) and today is no exception. got to really make full use of the "no project" days before my second fyp starts again.

2008-07-15T16:57:00.005+08:00

im not quite in the best of mood right now. bad things certainly come in pairs.

first thing first, my laptop charger spoilt AGAIN for the 3rd time. so currently im using my fourth newly bought laptop charger. second, i went to Mustafa just now and bought a lot of unnecessary things.( for eg. a nail clipper that cost 8 dollars). third, i can no longer stand the sight of my unkempt wardrobe so i decided to have a clean out. AND as i was throwing out the ugly and unworn clothes, i got so pissed at myself for spending so much on clothes( that i donte wear). So i've decided to donate them to the salvation army because i jolly well know that im not going to wear those clothes and since im going to throw them away anyway might as well do some good deeds with them right? well, i donte dunno what was i thinking when i bought those damn ugly clothes. ARUGH.

fyp presentation is tmr. im kind of excited yet a little afraid reason being i realized that i haven contributed enought things to give me a good grade. mayb a passing grade but definitely not a good grade. oh gosh i think this is one for the reason why im having such a lousy mood right now because i know that i can do better and yet i didnt put in effort. OH MY!

On the other hand, wendy 's bf just broke up with her. she was sad, so am i. Wendy is a dear friend of mine. someone i never even met before yet she goes all out for me when im in trouble. she is almost the complete opposite of me. for eg she always rushes into r/s while im too relax on it. she always choose to give ppl the benefit of doubt while i choose to give them the detriment of doubt. thats how different the both of us are yet we click very well=)

ANYWAY, somthing to crack u up. well since tmr im having my presentation, im required to wear formal. and the problem is i got no formal clothes, either too short or too causal. SO I BORROWED A WHITE OXFORD SHIRT FROM MY GRANDMA. LOL..

ok thats bout it. good bye!

wow!

looks neat=)
now look at hw many clothes tt needs to b donated!

2008-07-13T01:54:00.004+08:00

I NEED TO GET MY HANDS ON THE WACOM GRAPHIRE TABLET!

i was having so much fun with the graphire tablet in the blue lab( animation module), with all the creative juices flowing like nobody business. unfortunately i had to put a stop to the fun due to the fact that we haven complete the rotoscope that we were supposed to do.

fyp presentation on wed. im so excited. the down side was that formal wear is needed and i cant seem to find any decent piece of formal clothing in my over flowing wardrobe.
nothing too short, nothing too sexy, nothing too casual and nothing too ugly(ok. i added that myself. lol).. HOW?!?!?!!

stephy is coming back in approximately 20 days! all the endless partying and pour out, i can hardly wait!

2008-07-09T23:48:00.001+08:00

imagine someone lifting a 100 pounds stone from ur chest.
and thats exactly what im feeling now.

IM BACK

2008-07-07T22:32:00.002+08:00

Some people need to hit rock bottom before they bounce back up while others are scared to death to actually hit the ground. And if you knew me long enough, you would have alrdy know that jessamine is the type of person who need to hit rock bottom before she can pull yourself back up and move on from whatever is getting her down.

The past few months were probably the darkest period of my life. but its over now. time to get it over and done with. im really thankful to those who stood by me, those who took care of me when im bloody hell wasted.

I am glad I took the time to see where I could have been heading and now, I am turning things around=)

2008-07-07T00:19:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to ahzhigi aka zhifong!!!!

19 years old alrdy, time flies. its the 4th time im wishing u happy bdae which mean we've know each other for 4 years alrdy=) take care and best wishes. all the best to u when ur sch reopen ok!!

=)

Words written after too much thinking.

2008-07-04T12:54:00.005+08:00

The world's stuck, somewhere between clarity and confusion. Theres no backwards or forwards, just this. Wheels spinning in dirt that isnt even there. You cant lose what you cant forget, and you cant forget what never happened.

It isnt enough to realize that things have to change. That something needs to be done. Making lists doesnt matter, unless you actually begin to check things off. And not the odd issue here and there.. something of substance.

There are questions that wont be answered, that cant be answered. Its that simple. But theres a danger, too, in remaining silent. There are times where nothing makes sense or feels right. And the wrong things are said. Other times, nothing gets said or done. Theres no balance. No middle of the road.

You can blame people. You can list the reasons why, and why not. You can detail the fight (figuratively, metaphorically) thats gotten you from here to there, and the one thats kept rooted to the same spot. But when it all comes down to it, its you. Its your life and mistakes. And even the most carefully constructed smile cannot hide the things that lie beneath.

In short, Ive become rather pensive after ystd drama, and I in my fit of narcissistic, soul-dwelling self-evisceration, I've come to a few conclusions. And here they are, thrown together in a heap. They're in no particular order, and the coherence is relative.

Jealousy happens in strange fits, whenever you least expect it. Realize it. Acknowledge it. And then swallow it. Don't let it consume you.
Everyone has an idea of how your life should be or go. This does not entitle them to shove these opinions in your face as if they are revelations from the Divine. Take all of these ideas with a grain of salt, and don't completely ignore what they're saying. A wise person pays attention to everything, even when he/she doesn't want to.
Love doesn't solve everything; if you're doing it right, it gets messy. If it's too simple, too easy, RUN. One of you is lying. Or faking. Or both.
Indecision solves nothing; in fact, it creates more problems, if you've got half a brain cell and an ounce of cognizance.
In life, you will disappoint others. But in the end, that doesn't matter. Because you've got to live with yourself.
In the same vein, you will let yourself down. Probably when you shouldn't. You'll cave and crack. You'll be stupid and follow your heart. You'll do the wrong thing for the right reason. You'll forget yourself. But at the end of the day? Forgive yourself. Give it a shot. You just might like it.

its so strange what a year can bring about in the sense of changes, and the more i think about it the more i realize this to be fact.

as the years have swept past me, I realize how much ive gone through that makes me the person i am today.t he people i love and care about carry my world in their eyes, and the more i think about this life ive lived, the more i appreciate every person who has been given to me. At times it has felt like i could never truly understand or appreciate love from a friend without the pain from another; when one broke my heart, another always swept me up under their wing and made me realize that even when i am falling down, I have people that care about me. I have a life that has been blessed and filled with opportunity, and there is no end in sight=)

What goes around; comes around.

2008-07-03T20:01:00.001+08:00

The bible says you reap what you sow...which is really just karma.
it can be either positive or negative but what you put out in this world,
definitely comes back to you.

2008-06-29T21:22:00.003+08:00

doing it the cold turkey way.

im cold turkey-ing myself from the nightlife.
tired of waking up to vivid memory. time to start focusing on fyp and school(yeah right!).

BUT WAIT FOR ME PARTY PPL! i will be back in a month or so!
definitely in time for the nation countdown!

What hold you back?

2008-06-28T02:25:00.002+08:00

I have a lot of flaws. I can be very stubborn. I get ahead of myself. I have trouble making up my mind, sometimes. I back down, occasionally, when I shouldnt (Im a Libra. I like to keep the peace). I had like to think that I know whats worth fighting for and whats not.

This morning, over breakfast, Im thinking about my limitations.. the things about myself that get in my own way. I can be insecure, but you had never guess that Not in person. Im good at faking it. There are times when I just donte know what I want. I get too caught up in other people, and other people's feelings, to recognize which one is mine. Thats not always good.

I realized, lately, that there are a lot of things I am afraid of. And either you push through that fear or it holds you back. I know what I have to do, its just a matter of doing it. Of being braver than I really am. Of pushing when it would be easier not to. The easy way? Its never the way you want to go. And its not usually the way I go, either.

Ive got some growing up to do. Ive got to get over myself, in a way. In order to make a change, you have to decide to do it. Not just talk about it. So, here's to that first step. May this lead to many more...

With love and prayers

2008-06-23T00:47:00.001+08:00

"I need some distraction oh beautiful release ,
Memories seep from my veins ,
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight ."

restinpeace.

The death of a loved one is a difficult time

2008-06-21T18:14:00.007+08:00

"It's only words,
and words are all I have to take your ache away."

What I am feeling right now is hard to put into words. I was shocked when Mom called to tell me the news of uncle's death. the sudden illness he suffered brought an end to this wonderful man. Words really cannot express how sad I feel. My heart is filled with sympathy on the loss of my beloved uncle. Uncle was such a colorful and fun loving man and very devoted to his beautiful family. he loved being surrounded by his family. I know the source of pride they were to him.

It seems like yesterday that I was five years old and living at his house. I will never forget how much he loved drinking beer. He would sneaked out of the house bringing me along, for beer. and he would order the lamb chop for me.

I know how much im going to miss him. and chinese new year is just going to be so different without him.

~With Heartfelt Condolences.

2008-06-19T01:29:00.002+08:00

Russia and Greece better win.

shiny-happy fits of rage

2008-06-14T21:38:00.002+08:00

so things went quite well ystd. by "well," I mean "varying between terrible and amazing."

1. woke up to my alarm clock. 9:00 is not exactly my choice time to wake up during the vacation, but I needed to wake up early anyway. so I still laid in bed until like 9.30, but then got up to do stuff and headed to school for fyp.

2. mom's birthday
1. brought her for dinner
2. told her that i need to leave early but instead i went to buy a cake for her=))

3. the people who agreed on going to zouk enthusiastically decided not to go, at the very last min. what a disappointment.

4. then it was zouk. had an awesome time, ton of drinks. sean was drunk and he was really funny. some girls on the dancefloor were behaving like whores and we agreed that the girls must have lots of practice or something.

5. after zouk, euphrium drove us for mac breakfast. then sent jeff and i home.

6. and oh! i just realized that i lost my ezlink. thank god i brought my ezlink instead of my identification card. so i guess its a 不幸中的大幸?

2008-06-08T03:42:00.006+08:00

James says:
gtg! sleepy..
hey btw you can actually u can try something haha
eat an apple in front of the mirror at midnight
-jesSAMine Blessed are the hearts that can bend. says:
eee i donte wan!!!
James says:
then u can see ur husband
-jesSAMine Blessed are the hearts that can bend. says:
no way! thats so creepy and scary..
James says:
your future husband
-jesSAMine Blessed are the hearts that can bend. says:
btw its not eat apple la!
James says:
try la
-jesSAMine Blessed are the hearts that can bend. says:
its peel apple not eat apple.
James says:
lol
is it?
-jesSAMine Blessed are the hearts that can bend. says:
anyhow only!
otherwise why not eat apple pie?
James says:
maybe eat will be faster?
-jesSAMine Blessed are the hearts that can bend. says:
hahhahahaha
James says:
u try la
u will see another u eating apple pie too
:)
k gd night!

haha, so funny.

i realised that my 3/4 of my friendster comment are about partying and thats not too good. some actually refer me as jess the party girl. tsk tsk. not a good sign isnt it?
so this time jy is seriously trying to cut down on partying because of *er hem and thats really sweet. which also imply that i will have someone to cut down on partying with me=)
so jy, i support your stand!!! hahah..

mom's bdae is getting near. and im sooooo budget you know. ok not quite if i donte club next week. hahaa.. nvm , i will save even harder next week so as to bring her out for a sumptious dinner next week=) well i donte see her much thus need to even more make it up to her. ok last but not least althou i donte see you much, donte call you much but i do love you. always and forever.

2008-06-07T12:53:00.000+08:00

ok so school holiday is here, and it doesnt even feel like it. the only difference was the additional 2 hrs of slp which doesnt really make a difference t me since i hardly sleep.

wed- fyp in the morning, term break project( filming) in the noon
thurs- term break project( filming )
fri- term break project( filming

kinda hectic but oh well, we had fun doing the filming, all the NG-s REALLY crack us up big time.

im usually amazed by people who managed to remain friends with their ex-s.
i believe that its idealistic to think that ex-s can be friends. well, i mean it does depend on the level of the relationship. basically it goes like this:

the longer you are together, the closer you are and thus the stronger your love is.. which also mean the more doomed the after-breakup friendship is.

for me, its kind of hard to even look at the one you once loved, love someone else. despite the fact that you were the one who let the person go. its kind of ironic but it just doesnt feel good.

jess feels lonely at this moment. 7th june 08, 2.43am.
and she needs a tight warm hug=(

2008-06-01T12:49:00.000+08:00

wii or mp3??

ive been wanting the wii since forever, but my mp3 sucks big time. and i desperately need to do smth about it.
but i wan a wii too=(((((

OR MAYB I CAN SELL MY PSP (since i donte touch my psp anymore) and top up some more money to get the wii.
and for the mp3 i can just save? BUT BUT BUT I'VE BEEN TOO BUSY TO PLAY WITH WII NOW.
so mayb just mp3?

and regarding the mp3. im deciding between ipod nano(8gb), classic(80gb) or itouch(32gb).
god, i hate making decision. im bad at decision making, reason being me too fickled minded.
arughhh..

2008-05-31T23:03:00.003+08:00

what do you do when you wake up thinking everything will be better, except its not. theres no worse feeling than when you wake up, feel ok for a minute before the sick feeling washes over you then reality strikes and you remember its not okay. not at all.

I know should hate him for the way he treated me. Except that I don't.
I wish I did. I wish I could.
and maybe thats what real love is.
Not hating someone when you have every reason to.

why is it so extremely hard to get over people, i mean like really get over them. we can start to have feelings for other people, but it still doesnt mean we are over them. the good memories of each other will be held close to my heart and i will cherish them always, because they were times spent with you. maybe it wasnt all wonderful, but what is ? i had tears, yes. but thats ok because i had you, i had laughs and i had love. and those were real.

i miss you.

2008-05-30T01:31:00.004+08:00

Everything, for the most part has been good with me lately.
But, for some reason, I just keep getting lost in thoughts about terribly sad things.
People who have hurt me, people that will never have the chance and people with whom I will never have a chance.

I know the right thing to do.
Yet I keep doing the wrong thing over and over again.
wth is wrong with me???

Heartbroken. Goodness, tts all I ever seem to feel lately=(
And on a happier note school term is finally coming to an end.

2008-05-25T05:20:00.002+08:00

"first cut is the deepest"

regret comes in all shapes and sizes.. some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason.. some are bigger like when you let down a friend.

some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice.. some of us have little time for regret because we are looking forward to the future.. sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways..

but, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did.. but for the things we didn't do.

2008-05-20T13:51:00.003+08:00

"不在乎天長地久，只在乎曾經擁有"

I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy. Meredith and Derek are doing a clinical trial on people with brain tumors, and they have a female patient. She is supposed to do the trial, which is likely to kill her, but she wants to wait for the man she loves. She describes the fairy tale way in which she met him, on a ship where he returned to her a missing shoe. The Cinderella story combined with the fact that there are no pictures of the man led Meredith to believe that he did not exist, as the brain tumor can cause delusions. The woman tells the doctors to wait until 3 for her lover to come. 3 comes around, then 4, then 5.. and they have to do the procedure and the woman has to accept the fact that her lover was imaginary.

That is, until her lover shows up in the middle of the procedure, which fails. The woman is in a permanent coma and the man she loves is left to hold her hand and weep for his lost love... all because Meredith believed a love like that could only exist in the imagination.( and yes, i cried)

Imagine that. One has to die believing that they never had true love, while the other must go on without their other half. So, better to have loved and lost, or to not have really loved at all?

frankly speaking ive never really been attracted to the "romantic" type. not a big fan on roses and serenades and things of that nature. Plus, Im pretty much turned off by the suave-smooth, touchy, charming guys. If there isnt a chase, then whats the point right? I have a tendency to go for guys that are more reserved, funny but not the center-of-attention, have goofy hobbies, unusual interests, and trustworthy.

Even when i have a boyfriend, I'm still not really big on romance. Rather than go to a schmancy dinner, I had prefer a movie and a little cuddle( only cuddle). However, I am still a girl. I happen to like surprises, like a flower or a card for no apparent reason other than to be nice. I love it when somebody goes out of their way just to do something nice, because it shows that they are thinking about you and like to see you happy always. So, while I dont expect much, I am appreciative of the little things. I mean, simply taking the time to have a conversation on the phone is enough for me.

So, in a nutshell, I guess I would rather have thoughts and appreciation rather than full-on, hot and heavy, spend-$1000-on-something-I'll-never-use-again type of romance.

i'm ready for this new beginning, i think.
i'm not completely ready to leave some things behind,
but i am definitely ready to start over.
new beginnings are good.

2008-05-11T16:24:00.004+08:00

because in greek,
the opposite of the word truth is not false and its not dishonesty.
Its forgotten. So the opposite of truth is forgotten.
Truth is that is remembered.

jess should stop welcoming those whoes obviously going to break her heart into her life.
need to stop making my ardy complicated life into an even more complicated one.

i tried studying for all my understanding test so as to get better grade and so i did.
i studied. OVERNIGHT. and the problem is i ended up not turning up for class because i fucking couldnt wake up!!!!
60% on daily grades, 40% on understanding test.
2 words, fuck up.

i feel so stressed up and nothing seems to be going my way.
i need a run. i need to run.
running is the only time when i feel "stress free". throwing everything far behind you.
pulling yourself away from the other part of the world.
i miss running. i miss having the wind blowing against my face. i miss running until my legs turn jelly. but my body is too tired to run. too exhausted. zero energy.
wobbly legs even before running.

*k being really nice decided to do smth nice for me since im feeling pretty shity these days. he gave me a sunflower on friday. and dare i say its not the most apporiate time? sch on friday, with my big bag and my laptop, some space to stash the flower into is a problem. and the flower is bending, i donte like it because its bending and it look so sad. it looks like its hunchback and hunching is not good. ok im obviously talking alien. but the bottom line is that giving me flower on a sch day is not good. ok im really a bitch. really. and you know what? when he gave the flower to me, all i managed to say was "oh, sunflower. i like *carry on conversation*)" i cant believed that i didnt say thank you! but oh wel. mayb because it didnt come from the correct person. im sorry *k. someone better will come along. im sure.

im special,
i deserve respect.
im strong and i carry on.

2008-05-08T02:52:00.003+08:00

met up with the usual(jy and sl) on tue.
buffet! and while sl the princess sat comfortably at one corner, jy and i were busy cooking(not eating! ok mayb a little. HAHA) and hiding the cooked food(AS USUAL)
frying the ice cream yet pushing it to one another. HAHA..
it was funny when jy and i told sl about our "post buffet syndrome" also known as the mood swing!
thank god, the syndrome turn out not as bad as the korean buffet's moodswing.

im gonna go make myself a huge pot of black coffee. the one that i bought from the coffee plantation in thailand.
test tmr and also i've got some fyp stuff to do. i donte see myself slping tonight.
well, i can actually leave the fyp thing for tmr but i guess i need to stop procrastinating.
starting from now!!!!!

things to do after this post
1.) remove makeup
2.) bath
3.) make a huge pot of coffee
4.) slap on some body moisturizer( very dry skin due to prolong period in air condition room)
5.) fyp
6.) study for test

im quiting it.
and its not that im not game for it.
i am. anytime and anywhere.
fact is that its going nowhere.
two words, time wasting.

2008-05-06T01:46:00.003+08:00

"thou shalt resist the temptation to club"

weekend was hmmm fine. no clubbing. yeap i kept to my word despite many tempting messages! im proud to announce that jessamine managed to resist the horrible temptation!

one more reason to club less. i blabber out secret when im drunk or rather when im "high".
damn..

i dunno, but recently im not in the mood to entertain. mayb its because im trying go back to my old self. the one who say what she want, the one one say how she feel, the one who show her anger and the one who show her moodiness. weird as it sounds, being moody, angry and all actually makes me happier. just like how having blonde or gold hair makes me feel. put it this way, i feel more like me than ever.

mayb its because im tired of being the good girl, the one that everybody likes.
and to make sure that i have alot of friends, i have to be nice to everyone, be optimistic, and pretend that everything is just a piece of nice pie. angry, moody, or pesstimistic are not supposed to be in the list. so i guess eventually i got tired of surrpressing the feelings?
being the "good girl" wears me out. almost twice as fast as it normally would.

result of trying to fit into the majority? yeah. but no longer.
not anymore.

kudos to "the disappearing girl" for enlightening me=)
i love that book.

2008-05-03T06:11:00.001+08:00

Not been on this for a while haha. Anyways its 6:47am at the moment and i can't get to sleep.
im so tired but i cant seem to fall asleep i just keep tossing and turning in my bed

my stomach's aching with pain and its killing me. thus explained why i didn go to sch(and understanding test).
and now i wish that i didn eat so much dairy( think cheese and ben&jerry).
if u haven alrdy know, jessamine is lactose intolerent.

my day was pretty shit today cause my stomach was still acting nonsense.
so right after my stomach settled down a little, i fall aslp.
but i woke up crying.
it was rlly real and traumatizing. i just couldnt stop crying even after i woke up.
i couldnt bring myself to pick up the damn phone to call my dad because im so scared that it might be real.
then i fall back into deep slp again.
and this time i dreamt of *d. i couldnt remember what i dreamt of, not smth good definitely.

i woke up again with 7 messages on my mobile.
*n asking me if im clubbing tonight cos he wanted to see me? yeah crap.
*e asking me if i wan to club..
*jy tempting me to club.
and the other 4 messages was either asking if im attending sch or if im going for the test.

i need a job. desperately.
i've never in my life seen a 2 digit in my bank. i almost cried when i see the 2 digit in the bank statement.
have been spending alot. 4 movies in a week. pretty enjoyable thou. dining out everyday. korean, japanese and subway(favorite!).

and on the otherhand gossip girl, grey's anatomy and ugly betty are back!!!! yay!!!
im gonna try and sleep now. have been drawing storyboard for the past 1 hr.

2008-04-21T19:46:00.002+08:00

woke up late.. rushed to school despite not having a laptop charger..
forgot about the "only covered shoes allowed in the lab" rule.. got scolded by the facilitator..
he told me that i will get fine. and i told him then i will go. 5 mins later he came in and ask why am i still here? and continue telling me that someone is going to write my name down because i went against the rule blablabla and they might fine me. then i said well i had rather spend the money on food then since im famished. off i went.

met *k in bugis. brunch-ed. got my laptop ac.
watched movie, went shopping.
sent me back to my home sweet home.

2008-04-20T06:01:00.002+08:00

for a min, i thought that shaun was *d.
the height, hair, back view, the smell of the car, they way they drive and even the way they talk..
all was almost identical. an AAA replica of *d..

2008-04-15T02:01:00.002+08:00

Another crazy weekend.
Friday night was zouk. Saturday night was zouk again and this time we got too trashed.
ice wine and mongolia vodka. I don't quite remember what happened.
and all i know was that it got pretty crazy( in a funny way) and by the end of the night jy and i were drinking straight from the bottle..
but i know we had an awesome time.

despite having terrible hang over, i turned up for db training the next day.
the right pacer almost vomited on the boat. thanks to the alcohol from the night before=(
being the pacer is no joke and no fun.. not at all..

I'm not doing a very good job of being good.
and according to jonathan, im supposed to be good and not club so much when sch reopen. but hmmm...
Speaking of clubbing, I've been out with jy a good bit lately.. great company.. if only stephy is still here..

School is going pretty good. It's kinda interesting actually..
digital audio and video, computer animation and principal of digital media design.
the only sucky module is the i.t security.. oh wel..

and apparently, i managed to pass my basic theory test without even studying.
almost chicken out. fortunately, zw threatened that if i leave, she wouldnt talk to me anymore.
so.... thanks zw and those who "good lucked" me=)

2008-04-04T23:55:00.005+08:00

Be strong now

because things will get better.

It might be stormy now,
But it can't rain forever.

There have been lots of ups and downs lately but i know that ultimately at the end of the day, thats what makes me stronger..

2008-04-01T18:25:00.003+08:00

most of the time, the "happiest" one is actually the most depressed one..

It happened again, but this is the first mental meltdown I have had in ages. About months since my last meltdown. A bunch of stressful things have happened the last few weeks and my self esteem and self confidence have just been going down river for me. I feel as if I have been watching them disappear. And this has got to stop. I am never going to be happy if I am not in control of my emotions. I am so upset and ashamed.

all the crying is giving me a tremendous headache..

april fool's joke? yeah, i hope too...

2008-03-29T22:23:00.003+08:00

OH NOOO.. i clubbed twice this week..
bad bad bad..

2008-03-28T05:51:00.004+08:00

missionary trip
the missionary trip in northern thailand was overall GREAT. i had such a wonderful week there.. Tiring, eye-opening(what a cliche huh), yeah.

on me
im still clubbing on a weekly basis( im trying to cut down alrdy thou).. btw i lost my phone AGAIN at zouk last week.. and i think im immune to the feeling of losing things.. cos i remembered tt i even have to persuade my friends to go back to the dancefloor with me after i discovered my lost phone.. HAH... am too lazy to get a new sim card replacement.. got to get mom to get it for me..

I hope everyone had a good school holiday as I had. It sucks to go back to school after such a long holiday but at least it's the final yr!!!!!! =D