1. Indifference, unhappiness and dissatisfaction in class. 2. Thus lack of motivation and lack of enthusiasm to go school. 3. And having Negative attitude and being angry doesnt help. 4. My beloved phone loves to die every 60 mins or so. 5. I half destroyed my laptop by dropping it while trying to hit someone with it. 6. Kicking the half dead laptop down the bed while sleeping is unforgivable.
Everything seems to be giving up on me. Soon, everyone will too.
As I was strolling down town with a friend ystd, a sudden thought struck me. Essentially, its not about how busy a person is but what is the person busy at. I started asking myself. Am I doing what fulfills me? After all, doing nothing is better than busy doing nothing.
And as of late, I started pondering about my future. My education. My dad and grandma really hope that i will continue studying after my poly graduation. But somehow im considering stopping my education after my grad. I donte know. Maybe part of me thinks that one of life's greatest pleasures is not doing what people wants u to do since its usually easier to fight one's principles than to live up to them. However the prospect of leaving school life and embarking on the bandwagon just like another other diploma graduate who are also in pursuit of a career is undoubtedly daunting. Or maybe i should really just continue studying like what my dad and grandma want me too. GOODNESS, screw the many bad decisions that i've have made before.
A friend once told me that spending less time online is indicative that one's life offline is getting better. Indeed there is truth to it. I've been blogging alot( if you've notice) which also mean im spending alot of time online. And my life is in a mess. I dont even feel like getting out of my room. I miss my friends. I miss estee. I miss morven. I miss jy. I miss stephy. I miss wendy. I miss diana. I miss damien. I miss anna. The time i spent with them were mostly filled with loads of hustle and bustle, tears and sweat, laughter and jokes, alcohol and intoxication. The time spend with them really makes the whole world a better place. They are those i will always hold close to my heart.
So back to me. Because staying in the room and wallowing in self-sympathy does not help one's emo-ess. The past two days have been pretty distressing and lonely for me. Im not sure why. Maybe I haven't given a thought about it. I guess I am just disappointed with the way I am now. The way im letting the people around me down, both in school and at home. I donte exactly attend school on a regular basis and when im not out with my friends, i will be at home watching series (One Tree Hill/Grey's/Prison Break/Ugly Betty/Gossip Girl/Heroes) in the room. Not constructive at all and on top of that, i dont even work part time.
Diana told me that i deserve to feel miserable because im the one who decides to wallow in self pity on my pathetic arse. And yeah, so true. No more self pity and no more emo-ness for Jessamine!
Happy 23th bdae Rayner! Will be celebrating his bdae tonight=) So yeah, i wont be emo tonight. One emo night down, many more to go.
This song struck me, reminds me of someone somewhere. It had really something within it. It makes me cry all the time, every time i hear it even thou its been a LONG time but i still cant get over him. Hopefully this song comes true and it all gets better in time, we have to move forward for life goes on.. I don't think time can heal my broken heart, but one day i know i will get use to the pain and will learn how to deal with it..
Hopefully i can learn to love again.
~ It's been the longest winter without you I didn't know where to turn to See somehow I can't forget you After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock Who's there no one Thinking that I deserve it Now I realize that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you mean everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gonna be OK
[Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV Without something there to remind me Was it all that easy To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh Hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in And I know that time will heal it If you didn't notice boy you meant everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gonna be OK
[Chorus:] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me It's time I let you go So I can be free And live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you Yes I will
[Chorus: X2] Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
its bout dealing with the decision you've made and picking urself up
-Ugly Betty
Over the course of my almost 19 years lifetime, i've met a lot of people. Some of them stuck with me through thick and thin. Some just weaved their way through my life and then disappear forever. Its definitely not a good feeling to watch them change right in front of you and the worst part is recalling how we used to be just few yrs ago. And maybe one day, we will look into the mirror and wonder who we are and how we got here.
Some say that loneliness is the scariest thing on earth. but to that i beg to differ. Because seriously, whats worse than being forgotten by someone you once held close to you?
