| Friday, February 29, 2008 |
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i thought mayb i should rip my new yr resolution entry from my personal diary..
just in case if u guys are interested... otherwise, close the window..
Its the time of the year again...
A new year comes New Year's Resolutions. I try not to make New Year's resolutions because i never seem to fulfil them or i put to much pressure on fulfilling them that they finally burst in my face and fling me back to were i started from HAHA... Ok I'm being a bit dramatic here, but i do have a few realistic goals this year...so here goes...
1.)TO BE MORE FILIAL
esp to mom, dad and grandma
2.)TO TREAT MY DATE BETTER
stop treating __ for granted.. stop screaming at him and stop making him apologize things that wasnt his fault.. *er hem..
( this was written when we were still dating)
3.)TO HELP OUT WITH HOUSEHOLD CHORES..
hahahaa.. will start out small.. maybe cleaning my room? LOL..
4.)TO STOP PROCRASTINATING...
I do this on a daily basis, mostly when I'm supposed to be going to the gym or studying.. HAHA..
5.)TO START PARTICIPATING IN VOLUNTEER WORK..
refer back to resolution no.4.. LOL..
6.)TO EAT LESS CRAP FOOD AND START WORKING OUT..
again pls refer to resolution no.4.. HAHA...
7.)TO GO ON HOLIDAYS...
i donte know where, but hongkong and thailand are a few tempting options on my list. I wouldn't mind going to batam/bintan/tioman/redang either...now i just need an excuse and money to go.
8.)TO CLUB LESS AND STOP GETTING WASTED...
HAHAHHAAAAA....
9.)TO SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!
Ok you can stop rolling your eyes.. LOL...
10.)TO COMPLETE AT LEAST HALF OF THE NEW YR RESOLUTION LIST BY 2009..
think the first five of the resolutions are quite do-able.. so yeap.. we shall see..
mayb im getting matureold, cause i thought my resolutions for 2008 are pretty realistic..
mayb thats how it goes when one age.. LOL...
mayb i donte know... HAHA...
in anyway, im fulfilling resolution number 5 and 7 soon=) yay..
two down and eight more to go...
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posted by Jessamine @ 4:26 PM  |
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| Sunday, February 24, 2008 |
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看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走
你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白
=(
Lately Ive been trying the whole "Smile because it happened, not cry because it`s over" thing..
arugh its so simple...but why does everything in my life seem so difficult....TO ME!!
i feel like ive been wasting time lately or im just runnng out of time, i dont know maybe its just me...
i hope this is just a phase....hopefully...
but yea i dont want to talk to anyone anymore, i dont even want to go on dates, because i believe there is no one for me, trust me im serious when i say ive dated them all.
the good, the bad and the in between ones...
anyways...i dont want this issue to keep running in my head, but yeah i want to go shopping,..haha my number one stress reliever!!
chiangmai with dad and his church after my tioman trip.. volunteery work..
thought that its time for jessamine to do smth "big" and productive=)
jessamine go! |
| posted by Jessamine @ 11:38 PM |
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| Friday, February 22, 2008 |
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i've heard so much lies i dont even know whats true anymore.
so much lies i dont even know whats true ...
word. flaws and all, materialistic, self conscience, untrue, and judgmental.
all these i put aside and went straight blind, but now i see clear as crystal.
ive deleted them. deleted him from my head, my life and his smses.. i think its helping, kinda. no more checkin up if he is online and so on. you can only push a girl away for a short time until she really decides to walk out of your life,so be sure this is what you want, because once she does, she aint coming back.. Yes im serious, because i cant keep doing this, i cant keep caring about him and trying to keep him in my life when he's the one who decided to leave mine and disappear. If he did really "care" about me this wouldnt happen...
man it really does help when you just let go of everything...
how sweet it is to not care anymore.. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 10:04 PM |
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 Her cheeks are stained with tears
but at least her head is held up high. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 4:48 AM |
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| Thursday, February 21, 2008 |
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i smell like a walking jack daniel plus beer now...
im still abit high from the over consumption of alcohol... which i know im not supposed to due to the fact that i've got super low tolerant for alcohol...
wed also known as the mambo night.. phuture was super packed.. and by 12, most of the girls were alrdy super high.. i only remember that while waiting for cab this guy called melvin whom i danced with in the club stopped by and offered to send us home.. but we didnt hop in in.. instead.. we took a cab to geylang for some breakfast/supper.. bill was on my brother. tnx jeff=) LOL..
i dunno why im writing this.. but im going to bed after this. gd night=)
update
i haven really enjoy clubbing for quite sometime.. so ystd i did.. with Rachel, Pamela, my brothers, Chis and Evonne..
downed a couple of jack daniel at home with rachel..1 beer outside zouk.. a couple of beer in zouk.. one tequila pop.. and shared a jug of bourbon coke with the girls...
got high, but not drunk... AND THATS SELF CONTROL BABY!!! LOL..
so i think im getting better at that.. like i know my poison and my toxic alrdy.. jack daniel's my poison and long island is my toxic..
u give me long island and u got to prepare carry me home.. but i doubt i will dare to accept long island anymore..
 before the alcohol kick in..
 tequila popX5
 i look so.. err.. i dunno.. cock eye??
 family business...
 er hem!
Biggus Dickus says:
now you're damn ah lian already lor
-jesSAMine says:
fuck u la
NO! im not
Biggus Dickus says:
sure or not
everyday chiong
-jesSAMine says:
only ah lian chiong meh?!?!?!?
Biggus Dickus says:
then your pics also so ah lian
-jesSAMine says:
ur photo look like an ass... doesn tt mean u r are an ass
nvm.. cos i think u rlly are
HAHA
Biggus Dickus says:
my friend saw a thumbnail of your pic, then he thought you were hot
then he expanded it and he reeled back in shock
-jesSAMine says:
fuck u!
no him
lOL
Biggus Dickus says:
it was hilarious
if he saw your chest i bet he confirm pack up and go home sia
-jesSAMine says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got breast now lo!
abit
HAHA
Biggus Dickus says:
yeah right
-jesSAMine says:
hey donte think u ALMOST mr rp big shot ok!
Biggus Dickus says:
yeah
no matter how small shot, still bigger than your chest
-jesSAMine says:
ya ya ya
u got nth better to do come n disturb huh
Biggus Dickus says:
yeah
-jesSAMine says:
trying to flirt right
LOL
Biggus Dickus says:
with you?!
nonono
-jesSAMine says:
im sorry i got better taste
LOL
Biggus Dickus says:
me too, i have gourmet taste in women
-jesSAMine says:
yea right and i;ve got FINE taste for man
Biggus Dickus says:
you got such fine taste you have no bf
sad sia
i think you're bi, no?
-jesSAMine says:
errr
i donte think so
Biggus Dickus says:
eventually
-jesSAMine says:
i like guy la... just tt i think my thinking too mature.. then the guy my age..(our age) are too childish
Biggus Dickus says:
then must be how?
-jesSAMine says:
i dunno.. but just t the guy tt i've dated are too childish..
it cannot be taught wad...
Biggus Dickus says:
oh well,
we don't need to go through this conversation again
but, seriously
just roll with it lah
have some fun
-jesSAMine says:
i cant!
its not about the guy loving me.. more like i need to love the guy and the guy love me..
not one sided...
Biggus Dickus says:
you sound so pitiful
very very sad
-jesSAMine says:
i will jsut take my time now...
rlly not in rush wad
mayb when im 30 and i still cant get a bf.. then i will just go to the match making company.. and mayb we will bump into each other..
Biggus Dickus says:
actually it seems that people usually meet the right one when they are quite old
so everyone now is just for fun
-jesSAMine says:
but i donte wan to have fun...
i wan to have a nice loving serious relationship
my r/s usually end within a yr.. because i find that the guy aint long term r/s material..
Biggus Dickus says:
its a blessing, imagine marrying the guy then realise that
-jesSAMine says:
i dunno la..\
so r u having fun?
Biggus Dickus says:
fun?
as in like video games and shit?
-jesSAMine says:
r/s la
wtf man video game and shit
LOL
Biggus Dickus says:
no, holidays i start thinking
but school starts i'm usually too busy
i've never been romantically linked to any chicks
so i guess its no fun?
-jesSAMine says:
i suppose so....
but sometime arh... even when i say i enjoy being single aint quite the truth oso..
cause there are times.. when i feel super lonely.. and my gfs are with the bfs.. i cant possibly ask my gfs to go out with me instead of the bf
LOL
so quite sad
Biggus Dickus says:
hahaha
so you just need a guy around your arms for company lah
-jesSAMine says:
of cos a guy whom i love and not just some other guy la
Biggus Dickus says:
you know, back in sem 1
i had the feeling that you and i...
you know
was it?
-jesSAMine says:
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
you and i mean .. i got feeling for u?
Biggus Dickus says:
kinda
did you?
-jesSAMine says:
abit
HAHA...
Biggus Dickus says:
cool
-jesSAMine says:
im so honest.. damn
Biggus Dickus says:
it just seems you are cooler than most chicks
with your friendster shit
then i remembered your blog from donkey years ago
-jesSAMine says:
im so honest.. damn
Biggus Dickus says:
k lah k lah
you wanna date me?
-jesSAMine says:
pls send me an email of ur photo.. and along with ur personal particular
HAHA
maybe.. just maybe...
and i realized we had the almost identical conversation half a yr ago.. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 6:48 AM |
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| Sunday, February 17, 2008 |
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booo!!!
"gossip girl" with estee when sleeping over...
her parents are really nice.. make me feel at home=) and her little nephew is so super cute...
my eyes are still swelling.. BUT!!!!! im ok!! like those rlly im ok tt im ok.. not those "im ok" the im ok.. yeap.. thus im ok babies!!!!!!! no more whining from me... cause jessamine is now all ready to set of and move on to the next chapter=)
Rachel will be like so super happy, because i told her before leaving house that i will come back ready to club next fri.. and here i am.. ready to come out from my retirement phase... HAHA..
anyway... i realized i've got many types of fren whom i can find when i need to pull myself together or mayb to seek advice from..
for eg. estee when i wan to be strong
pam when i need some mature advice
jessica when i know i need to be honest with myself
jayne when i need a listening ear( cos she doestn offer wise advice most of the time.)
p.s finally gave up and moved on=) |
| posted by Jessamine @ 1:57 PM |
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| Friday, February 15, 2008 |
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Happy valentine’s day(belated)..Or for some, not so happy valentines day.
Valentines day for some people is a day of love, joy, unity, and happiness . But for others its a day for pressure, tears, and heartbreak. Sometimes we’re all so quick to jump and forget about those that really don’t have anyone. And for that, I tell you guys Happy Valentines Day!
so i told myself that im not going to let the stupid pressures of Valentines Day overwhelm me and i shall just treat it like its just another day. thus neither am i going to spend my valentine's day feeling all miserable and depressed nor am i going to envy those loved up couples be all loved up because tt just emphasizes how lonely i really am.
i spent the joyful day over at estee's ..
"Candlelit" dinner, gossip and lastly UNO STACKO-ed with estee and morven!
they really made my day=) not a single word from them despite my constant whining...
 roses from pampam..
 HAHA.. "candlelit dinner"
 YUM SENG! estee draw 2!!!! LOL i will huff and puff .. LOL..
~
if u haven alrdy know, im actually doing a part time job.. only for 4 days thou..
got to earn some bucks for the upcoming tioman trip on either early or mid march...
~
dad's friend from england is visiting singapore with his family.. and being the usual nice guy, dad offer to have them put up at our humble little house... i wun mind if we are staying in a penthouse or a bungalow... but.... tsk.. i threatenoffer to move to my friend's house if they rlly are staying over at our place... so its either to mummy's or to friend's.. but moving to mummy's oso mean more quarrel which then lead to a melt down.. and i had enough of it recently alrdy. aiya i dunno la...
I think i miss him.. ok no.. its nt think.. its i miss him..
ok bye! |
| posted by Jessamine @ 4:54 AM |
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| Thursday, February 14, 2008 |
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HAHA.. i dreamt of ziwei last night..
super funny.. cause she is really really crazy about harvest moon.. so in my dream she was boasting to me that she has completed her harvest moon blablabla.. so lame.. LOL. think i miss her too much alrdy.. AHHA...
happy valentine's day!
a lonely, pityful and valentine-less jessamine is going to spend her valentine's alone..
i donte wan to spend my v day with those any o how people..
yet i donte wan to spend the valentine's day alone=( arugh.. how la u tell me...
its so depressing...
but valentine's day=friendship day right..
so i can spend it with my gfs right??? worse come to worse.. i go home slp...
but this cant be the case right!
yucks.. im receiving v day smses alrdy.. its making me even more paranoid...
ok i will off my phone after sending one sms...
k good night.. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 12:41 AM |
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| Sunday, February 10, 2008 |
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cny aint quite the same anymore.. smth is missing.. i dunno.. it just doesnt feel the same anymore.. according to jessica( when she is high, so im not sure if i shld take her word anot..LOL) we 're old alrdy and thats why.. true anot, im not too sure.. or mayb we are more "mature" and thus cny activites doesnt appeal or interest to us as much anymore. the things that excite me are the gatherings and the annual pokker session. HAHA.. gone was the sparkkling sticks and "pop" days..
instead of staying at home on cny day 2, i was out clubbing.. with the usual group. rachel, jess and i .then half way thru i got so fucking pissed and i( accompanied by jess) left.. Coincidently ivan msged me and then off to ivan's. where we talk cock sing song and play majong by the pool.. we didnt sing song( erh i think ivan did) and neither did we play majong.. but we definitely talk cock.. laughed so hard that my tummy hurts... the angmoh started getting hungry after she vomited the alcohol and the three of us then went searching for food at 5am. we almost cried when we saw that al ahmeen was closed after walking quite a distant( fyi im in a 4 inch heel) so we decided to take a cab down for "bar chor mee" .. after which ivan said he want to take a short walk so that the cigarette smell will go off by the time he decided to return home..... "bar chor mee" girl and i accompanied him.. the walk wasnt short at all because it was all the way from hillview to bukit panjang.. LOL.. so we saved ard 6 dollars of cab fare.. LAME..
i noticed that jess is rlly rlly friendly when she's high. eg1.) talking to a loser guy who got chased out of zouk because someone "accused" him of touching her bum and then his friend p.s him) eg2.) flirted witht he taxi driver who drove us to ivan's.
the loser guy was quite poor thing because i was rlly pissed and wasnt in the right mood to entertain. and upon seeing him disturbing jessica boil me up.. so i said " jess why are u talking to him!" and gave him the stare while folding my arms.. AHHAHA...
im so full from stuffing my face with cashew nuts and pistachio.. *burp.. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 11:48 AM |
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| Tuesday, February 5, 2008 |
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Sometimes I feel as if my mind is thinking too fast for my mouth,
my life is too fast to think,
i want to slow down, and just relax.
I donte even know why but I over analyze things which make me hyped up and make me think more and more, and theres just like a ton of thoughts in my head. I donte even know what half of them are. I donte even know why i think the way I do. Also i donte even know who to express these interworkings of my mind to. like no on will get it. which they wont.
its hard to say who is like me and who isn't because we are all our own, but does anyone think like me? im thinking that my thoughts are too big to compensate in my head, i donte even know what im saying anymore. people donte even know what im going through or really know what im thinking.
to be honest I donte even know.
I hate how I donte even know how to separate whats real to what isnt. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 6:47 AM |
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| Monday, February 4, 2008 |
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"It’s easy to get caught up in the details and not see the light at the end of the tunnel."
time and again, i allow my emotions to overpower my mind even when people around me who really do care are constantly reminding that i should leave the situation that is bringing me pain and hurting, but i choose not to listen to anyone. Many people have told me ""it is easier said than done." I don't think so! When we are in any situation where we can see no apparent opportunity of growth in that relationship, but we choose to stay anyway even though we are being hurt in the process..
oxymoron?? i dunno..
go figure... |
| posted by Jessamine @ 5:19 AM |
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