| Sunday, July 27, 2008 |
| Cursed |
Maybe its the feeling that is freaking me out. maybe its the past that freaks me out. or maybe its just me...
i donte know. because coincidently every time i have this feeling, the person leaves. almost like a warning, telling me to beware, to put my guards up. a warning saying " jess, you're gonna get hurt. AGAIN " .
the angel in me has been telling me to start believing in seeing rainbow after the rain. because after going through all the tough time, she believes that something good is finally going to happen . however the devil begs to differ. the devil has been telling me, you've been thru it before and you know how hard it is to recover from the heartaches.
=( |
posted by Jessamine @ 4:10 PM  |
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| Saturday, July 26, 2008 |
| Fight or flight? |
the human heart was made to be put through the abuse of the dating world
Well, i can easily choose to blame all the circumstances on fate or bad luck or even bad choices.
Or i can just fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world. That's just the way it is. There were many who couldn't understand, and sometimes i walked among them. But even in my darkest hours, i knew in my heart, that someday it would all be ok. And everything would be whole again. And my belief in love would be reawakened in my heart, once again.
But for the most part, you get what you give. Rest of my life is being shaped right now. With the dreams i chase.... The choices i make.... and the person i decide to be.
The rest of my life is a long time. And the rest of my life starts right now. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 1:48 AM |
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| Wednesday, July 23, 2008 |
| The dark knight |
This is my second time writing this blog because my laptop does not like me and restarted while i was writing my informal movie review on The dark knight. so anyway this post was supposed to be up on fri, but i was too lazy. HAHA
Back tracking to the movie, The dark knight. i was actually not very keen on watching the movie because frankly speaking i find clown really disturbing. and err im kind of afraid of clown since young. but well, the dark knight is definitely the movie to see this year. It is one of the movie that makes me want to stay put in my seat, wishing to see the full credits.. or rather, i wan to be the last person to get off the cinema. After the 2½ hour movie ended, the only thing running through my mind is: WOW, what an amazing movie. And that takes a lot because im very picky about my movies. The movie was visually impressive, the atmosphere and the effects were outstanding, but overall what made it so good was simple.
The Joker.
Heath Ledger was Phenomenal!!!! His performance was beyond amazing. Not only did he play him with an insanity that is almost incomparable. His character had an dark charisma that drew you to him even as his abhorrish behavior repulsed you. Heath Ledger was simply the star. He was so good that I could have easily watched an entire movie focusing on him but that of cos would lead me into having nightmare because it was just too disturbing. And for your information, H.L actually locked himself in a hotel room for a month to force himself into the realm of a psychopath just to get himself prepare for the role of the joker. Ledger also told reporters he "slept an average of two hours a night" while playing "a psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy ..."I couldn't stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going. And prescription drugs didn't help", he said. Jack Nicholson( the guy who previously acted the joker) even warned Heath Ledger on 'Joker' role and Heath Ledger thought landing the demanding role of the Joker was a dream come true but now some think it was a nightmare that led to his tragic sleeping pills overdose death.
i think that Heath Ledger deserves the honorary Oscar everyone has been talking about. He is more than just an actor, but a pure artist, a man who was willing to step out of his own being and become a character for the world's entertainment...and if that isnt commitment...I donte know what is...
Favorite scene: The joker in the nurse dress.
ps: edison chen was in the movie for a pathetic lets say 5 secs? HAHA.. wad a waste on the pretty face. mayb he can be the next joker? wad a joke. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 5:22 PM |
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| Tuesday, July 22, 2008 |
| a pocketful of emptiness |
| 7 long days of sports camp=( |
| posted by Jessamine @ 11:52 PM |
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| Saturday, July 19, 2008 |
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phwww.
this week was a busy one. fyp presentation is finally over(YAY), the critics by the evaluators were really nonsense and mean. almost thought that they were possessed by simon cowell. however the end of fyp1 also mark the start of fyp2. but at least i get to rest and enjoy for another 3 weeks or so before we get down to business.
Thurs was movie with alvin. the dark knight. i would rate it.. hmmm.. mayb 4 stars out of five and the funny thing is that im not quite a fan of this movie genre so bottom line is..
go watch it. had subway, my favorite=)
Met up with wendy, vincent and yeing on fri. it was tons of fun but the journey from woodland interchange to habourfront interchange wasnt the least funny. Apparently it took around 1.5 hrs but well, it was worth it thou. nothing beats meeting up with old friends, close friend and of cos FREE DINNER right?!. Dinner was on vincent, sushi tei.
salmon salad is THE BOMB!
I've been receiving lots of chocolate recently. and i guess that explain my mood these days=)
chocolate not only does it protect your heart. there are so many benefits of dark chocolate. first, it tasted good. Second, it stimulate the endorphin thus making u feel in love and lastly it contain serotonin which acted as an anti-depressant! haha sometimes girls just got to find ways to make eating chocolate less sinful. LOL. but i love dark chocolate nonetheless!
I made it through this busy week without a scratch=) feeling kind of sick this whole week thou. terrible headache. arugh.
Also for some reason, i decided to push my tolerance level to a higher phase by going out everyday after school and staying up till wee hours while others are probably at home catching up on their beauty sleep( with courtesy from the end of fyp1) and today is no exception. got to really make full use of the "no project" days before my second fyp starts again. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 8:15 AM |
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| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 |
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im not quite in the best of mood right now. bad things certainly come in pairs.
first thing first, my laptop charger spoilt AGAIN for the 3rd time. so currently im using my fourth newly bought laptop charger. second, i went to Mustafa just now and bought a lot of unnecessary things.( for eg. a nail clipper that cost 8 dollars). third, i can no longer stand the sight of my unkempt wardrobe so i decided to have a clean out. AND as i was throwing out the ugly and unworn clothes, i got so pissed at myself for spending so much on clothes( that i donte wear). So i've decided to donate them to the salvation army because i jolly well know that im not going to wear those clothes and since im going to throw them away anyway might as well do some good deeds with them right? well, i donte dunno what was i thinking when i bought those damn ugly clothes. ARUGH.
fyp presentation is tmr. im kind of excited yet a little afraid reason being i realized that i haven contributed enought things to give me a good grade. mayb a passing grade but definitely not a good grade. oh gosh i think this is one for the reason why im having such a lousy mood right now because i know that i can do better and yet i didnt put in effort. OH MY!
On the other hand, wendy 's bf just broke up with her. she was sad, so am i. Wendy is a dear friend of mine. someone i never even met before yet she goes all out for me when im in trouble. she is almost the complete opposite of me. for eg she always rushes into r/s while im too relax on it. she always choose to give ppl the benefit of doubt while i choose to give them the detriment of doubt. thats how different the both of us are yet we click very well=)
ANYWAY, somthing to crack u up. well since tmr im having my presentation, im required to wear formal. and the problem is i got no formal clothes, either too short or too causal. SO I BORROWED A WHITE OXFORD SHIRT FROM MY GRANDMA. LOL..
ok thats bout it. good bye!
wow!
 looks neat=)
 now look at hw many clothes tt needs to b donated! |
| posted by Jessamine @ 4:57 PM |
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| Wednesday, July 9, 2008 |
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imagine someone lifting a 100 pounds stone from ur chest.
and thats exactly what im feeling now. |
| posted by Jessamine @ 11:48 PM |
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| Monday, July 7, 2008 |
| IM BACK |
Some people need to hit rock bottom before they bounce back up while others are scared to death to actually hit the ground. And if you knew me long enough, you would have alrdy know that jessamine is the type of person who need to hit rock bottom before she can pull yourself back up and move on from whatever is getting her down.
The past few months were probably the darkest period of my life. but its over now. time to get it over and done with. im really thankful to those who stood by me, those who took care of me when im bloody hell wasted.
I am glad I took the time to see where I could have been heading and now, I am turning things around=) |
| posted by Jessamine @ 10:32 PM |
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happy birthday to ahzhigi aka zhifong!!!!
19 years old alrdy, time flies. its the 4th time im wishing u happy bdae which mean we've know each other for 4 years alrdy=) take care and best wishes. all the best to u when ur sch reopen ok!!
=) |
| posted by Jessamine @ 12:19 AM |
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| Friday, July 4, 2008 |
| Words written after too much thinking. |
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The world's stuck, somewhere between clarity and confusion. Theres no backwards or forwards, just this. Wheels spinning in dirt that isnt even there. You cant lose what you cant forget, and you cant forget what never happened.
It isnt enough to realize that things have to change. That something needs to be done. Making lists doesnt matter, unless you actually begin to check things off. And not the odd issue here and there.. something of substance.
There are questions that wont be answered, that cant be answered. Its that simple. But theres a danger, too, in remaining silent. There are times where nothing makes sense or feels right. And the wrong things are said. Other times, nothing gets said or done. Theres no balance. No middle of the road.
You can blame people. You can list the reasons why, and why not. You can detail the fight (figuratively, metaphorically) thats gotten you from here to there, and the one thats kept rooted to the same spot. But when it all comes down to it, its you. Its your life and mistakes. And even the most carefully constructed smile cannot hide the things that lie beneath.
In short, Ive become rather pensive after ystd drama, and I in my fit of narcissistic, soul-dwelling self-evisceration, I've come to a few conclusions. And here they are, thrown together in a heap. They're in no particular order, and the coherence is relative.
- Jealousy happens in strange fits, whenever you least expect it. Realize it. Acknowledge it. And then swallow it. Don't let it consume you.
- Everyone has an idea of how your life should be or go. This does not entitle them to shove these opinions in your face as if they are revelations from the Divine. Take all of these ideas with a grain of salt, and don't completely ignore what they're saying. A wise person pays attention to everything, even when he/she doesn't want to.
- Love doesn't solve everything; if you're doing it right, it gets messy. If it's too simple, too easy, RUN. One of you is lying. Or faking. Or both.
- Indecision solves nothing; in fact, it creates more problems, if you've got half a brain cell and an ounce of cognizance.
- In life, you will disappoint others. But in the end, that doesn't matter. Because you've got to live with yourself.
- In the same vein, you will let yourself down. Probably when you shouldn't. You'll cave and crack. You'll be stupid and follow your heart. You'll do the wrong thing for the right reason. You'll forget yourself. But at the end of the day? Forgive yourself. Give it a shot. You just might like it.
its so strange what a year can bring about in the sense of changes, and the more i think about it the more i realize this to be fact.
as the years have swept past me, I realize how much ive gone through that makes me the person i am today.t he people i love and care about carry my world in their eyes, and the more i think about this life ive lived, the more i appreciate every person who has been given to me. At times it has felt like i could never truly understand or appreciate love from a friend without the pain from another; when one broke my heart, another always swept me up under their wing and made me realize that even when i am falling down, I have people that care about me. I have a life that has been blessed and filled with opportunity, and there is no end in sight=) |
| posted by Jessamine @ 12:54 PM |
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| Thursday, July 3, 2008 |
| What goes around; comes around. |
The bible says you reap what you sow...which is really just karma.
it can be either positive or negative but what you put out in this world,
definitely comes back to you.
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| posted by Jessamine @ 8:01 PM |
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